Positive

so the other nite - dude asked me a variation of a question he often asks: 'what's wrong sweetie, you're being very quiet. you don't seem very happy'
i respond (as usual) 'nothing's wrong, i'm fine. i'm not unhappy at all.' which, as far as i could tell was the truth. i am not and have not been particularly unhappy. true, my job situation is not ideal, and that does tend to leave me a bit less than thrilled from time to time, but when i am home, i am content.
his inquiry lead us into a deeper conversation about how my negativity, as of late, is having an impact on him and his happiness.
i also found out that he was not "ok" or "fine" with me spending thanksgiving with a girlfriend of mine that is soon to be divorced instead of hanging out for5+ hours with his painfully boring family. i love him madly, but his family is torture! you can't have a stimulating conversation, his sister is rich, republican, and self righteous. she has the best of everything, has earned it, mind you - and just can't understand or accept how anyone else cannot get their own. which is odd because she works for one of the largest international AIDS organizations AND has a brother who is an alcoholic drug addict, went to school for psychology AND was a drug addict herself at one point. so, while she can be nice enough - after a while the conversation always goes in a bad direction. his mother is older than her age and is pretty oblivious and ignorant about most issues in today's society. and the drug addict alcohlic brother was going to be there too - i just didn't want to handle the awkwardness. furthernore, i don't eat meat, and wanted to prepare a vegetarian meal with my friend, who also shares my same tastes in food. i didn't want the blank stares and confusion that goes along with questions like: 'you don't eat meat at all?' 'what else can you have?' 'do you want us to make you something else?' when i asked if dude minded if i spent tgiving w my friend, so she didn't have to be alone and we'd make yummy veggies he said it was fine.
i found out that it was not. until i explained further to him how uncomfortable i would be with his brother, based on my previous experiences with addiction and how the holidays overall create a great deal of anxiety for me. then he understood and was "ok". (i somehow doubt that he truly understands)
anyway - back to my NEGATIVITY
i was completely unaware of the fact that i had been doing so much spewing of hatred and negativity. it seemed to me that we recently had a conversation about how much i have changed for the better over the years and become much less negative and critical. i was confused and taken aback by his comments. i feel that i must point out when i am being positive and happy - to balance out this negativity that he seems to look to me for.