bored

: The BEGINNING:
0) Born to: my parents
1) Raised in: a home surrounded by alcoholics
2) Your full name: not to be found anywhere on myspace
3) Birth date: next year
4) Any siblings: yes
5) Oldest of them all: the other one
6) Hair color: dirty
7) Hair length: prefer long, I suppose
8) First school: long ago
9) Eye color: dark brown
10) Favorite color: I like colors
11) Mood: eh…not “bad”
12) College: not much
13) Height:: mostly short
14) Lefty/Righty: lefty
15) Do you remember your first "real" relationship: I do
16) Do you believe in a thing called love?: I do
17) Shortest relationship: um…the newest one is the shortest
18) Have you ever been heartbroken: I’m sure
19) Do you love someone right now: I do
20) Have you ever fallen for a friend: I have
21) Are you afraid of commitment?: no
22) Do you believe in love at first sight:? I do
THIS OR THAT:
1) Love or Money: love is more important, but money is nice
2) Coffee or alcohol: sure
3) One nightstands or relationships: relationship
4) Television or internet: neither
5) Pepsi or Coke: water or iced tea
6) Wild night out or romantic night in: okay!
7) Phone or in Person: depends on the person
HAVE YOU EVER:
1) Have you ever been caught sneaking out: once, and only after
2) Have you ever skinny dipped: I have
3) Have you ever been on a house boat? Not that I recall
4) Have you ever finished an entire jawbreaker: possibly
5) Have you ever colored your hair: I do
6) Have you ever been streaking? no
7) Are your parents still married: no.
DO YOU:
1) Do you get depressed about things easily?: I do.
2) Do you live life to the fullest?: probably not
3) Are you comfortable with the way you look? From some angles
4) How do you dress? Depends on where I am going
5) Are you scared of growing old alone? sometimes
6) What do you want to be when you grow up? scratch dj
7) Favorite season: never experienced “seasons” just fuck off hot then not as warm
Girls- pick the FIRST guy on your top friendsUnless their family than pick the next oneGuys - do the same, but the first girl
- DON'T CHANGE IT!- Enter their name- Be HONEST!- Repost this so your friends can do it too
What's His/Her namE?charlie
Does this person have a cell phone currently?yes
If you were crying will this person cheer you up?he’d probably try
Will this person repost this?no
Do you trust this person?with what?
Do you think you will know this person ten years from now?probably about as much as I do now
How much does this person know about u?some…
Have they ever called you hot?I wouldn’t know, I doubt it
Would you ever kiss them?no
Do you consider this person like your brother/sister?no.
When was the last time you talked to this person?emailed a couple of weeks ago, briefly
Does this person make you smile?sure
Do your parents like him/her ?I’ll never know
Who did this person last date?no clue
How often do you get to see them?not very
Does this person love you?no.
When is the next time you'll see him/her?dunno – maybe over the holidays
Girls repost this as "First Guy on Your Top"Guys repost this as "First Girl On Your Top
[ONE] Who were your latest 3 texts from?him
[TWO] Where was your default pic taken?miami
[THREE] What's your middle name?Spy
[FOUR] Are you alone right now?not really.
[FIVE] Does your crush like you back?well, yeah
[SIX] What is your current mood?not “bad”
[SEVEN] What's your mom's name?eloise
[EIGHT] What color shirt are you wearing?Black.
[NINE] Would you kiss the last person you kissed?yup
[TEN]If you could go back in time and change something would you?maybe
[ELEVEN]Have a crazy side?I do
[TWELVE]Ever had a near death experience?don’t think so – but I have done some stupid shit that could have or should have put my life at risk
[THIRTEEN]What is something you like to do a lot?fuck off at work
[FOURTEEN] Angry at anyone?not really
[FIFTEEN] Do you wanna see somebody right now?I do
[SIXTEEN] Do you like drama?no, although some might beg to differ
[SEVENTEEN] When was the last time you cried?it’s been a little while
[EIGHTEEN] Who would you do anything for?almost anything for him
[NINETEEN] Who is your hero?my mom
[TWENTY] What's the first thing u see in the opposite sex?height
[TWENTY-ONE] What's your biggest secret?if I told you it wouldn’t be a secret
[TWENTY-TWO] Where is your ex?prolyl at his mom’s
[TWENTY-THREE]Would you ever take him/her back?no
[TWENTY-FOUR]What are you eating or drinking at the moment?water
[TWENTY-FIVE] Do you speak any other language?no
[TWENTY-SIX] Whats your favorite smell?sautéing garlic
[TWENTY-SEVEN] Describe your life in three wordsgetting slightly better
[TWENTY-EIGHT] Have you ever kissed in the rain?yes
[TWENTY-NINE] Do you like the rain?love it
[THIRTY] What are you thinking about right now?the end of the day
[THIRTY-ONE] What should you be doing right now?work
[THIRTY-TWO]What is your favorite memory?hmmm…I have to put the memories of my mother at the top of my list
[THIRTY-THREE] ??
[THIRTY-FOUR] Who was the last person you told I love you?he did
[THIRTY-FIVE] Do you act differently around the person you like?I do
[THIRTY-SIX] What is your natural hair color?mouse-y
[THIRTY-SEVEN] Would u ever sleep with someone u were with even though you had a bf/gf?huh?

Do u like the smell of gasoline? Gas huffer!
Do u sleep in the nude? every once in a while. I get cold, and I hate the feeling of my legs touching.
Would u ever go to a nude beach? uh…no
Have u ever peed in the shower? be honest why?
Which is worse explosive shits or praying to the porcelain god? I’ve never had explosive shits, I’d imagine that’s pretty horrible
Are u a nose picker? Public? that’s what tissues are for
Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Have u had more than one such arrangement? not more than one at a time, no. and really, the benefits were better than the friendship. I always entered those with the hopes for something more - but I was always cool about it – never went psycho
Liquor or beer? Brand? vodka – the good stuff, like grey goose and champagne, dry, charles heidsick, please
Favorite sex position? one only please...they are all my favorite!
Most embarrassing moment of your life? I wouldn’t know where to start
As an adult have you ever shit your pants? no
Where are we going? where you wanna go?
Have you smelled your clothing to determine clean or dirty? Did u then wear it? sure
Strange place for sexual acts? bedroom
Have u ever ridden a motorcycle? on the back of one a few times
Have u ever hitchhiked? no
Last concert you went to? with who? fucking motley crue! I HAD to for work. God I hate that band!
Last movie you saw? midnight express
last person that called your phone? dunno
Have you ever been in the back of a police car? For what? yeah – looking for our friend jozie on Miami beach
Witnessed a bar fight? uh huh
Ever smacked a bitch? no
Ever pay for sex? erm…no
Ever lie to your mom/dad? sure
Favorite candy? mmm…candy
Favorite fast food? n/a?
Favorite muppet? animal
Favorite smurf? dead one
If u were one of the 7 dwarfs which would u b? grumpy, most likely
Have u ever had sexual relations with a midget? my first bf in 4th grade turned out to be a midget. We did NOT have sexual relations, we were in 4th grade for cryin out loud!
Last time you danced? chris’ bday party – apparently that wasn’t a good idea
Beetles or Elvis? anyone covering either
Think Mick Jaggar is hot? no
Do u secretly want to be Paris Hiltons new BFF? only if she paid me
Have u ever watched the pick up artist? No
Do u believe in magic? no
Do you believe in fate? not really
Are u afraid of dying? I am
Ever seen a ghost? no, dammit!
Ever had a threesome? no
Ever slept with a signifigantly older person? ten plus years? yes
How about younger? almost, not quite 10 years younger
What do u feel is your best feature? boobs, eyes, smile
Do u have a pet? I do
If you could trade places with anyone u know who would it be? um…I don’t think I would trade with anyone – I wouldn’t want to change where I am right now
Favorite Band? Radiohead
Have u ever wished someone to die on fire?? oh yes
Favorite condiment? ketchup
Pizza cold or hot? hot or refrigerator cold
What do u think a fribble is? couldn’t even imagine
Favorite made up word? there’s at least one a day…denise just said “dranken” as in: I’ve never dranken a V8 before.
Favorite Holiday? Halloween...
Who loves Kitty?I love my kitty!
favorite abreviation? WTF
Do u know a second language? No
Pepsi or Coke? water
Ever tried Tofu? uh huh
Are u a fan of the dry hump? Be honest it can be fun
Have u ever fainted? no
List 5 of the best days of your life?i n no particular order:
>Moving to LA
>Seeing/meeting radiohead in Atlanta
>First time I had sex with *him*
>Meeting eric (if I hadn’t met him, I wouldn’t be where I am now)
>I guess I’m waiting for the next one…
Have u ever been fired? I have
Name of a liquor u will never knowingly drink again? tequila
Zippo or Bic? matches
Are you a fan of big boobs? I like boobs
Chicken or pork?I like live animals
Did u sign the gay marriage petition? I did – several of them – to make it legal
Whats your sign? Aries
Do u believe in time travel? I wish
Who are u? your worst nightmare!
Love or Money? I love money

drukqs?

so let's talk drugs for a minute, shall we?

i've done them. lots of them. not all, but a good portion of them. i am not an addict, nor am i a junkie. i've never cheated or stolen for drugs. i probably lied at one point or another, only to protect the naive, like my mother, from ever know how "experienced" her baby girl was. is. whatever.
now, compared to what kids are doing these days, and even what they were doing 10 or 12 years ago - we were lightweights. candyflipping? maybe once, but i don't think i ever did - that was for blarry and maybe deanqueen every so often - we didn't do THAT much. just every weekend. and not nearly as much as kids do these days. i remember after i stopped using for years, coming across and reading about kids dosing 10-12 to even 20 hits of whatever they could get their grimey hands on, then candyflipping with even more doses, drinking on top of that - no wonder they were dropping dead at raves. no wonder parents were scared.
see, we were doing this way before the Rave Culture caught on, even before they started calling them "Club Kids" in NYC. we were before that, it's just that no one really noticed or paid much attention to the 6-10 of us running around high as kites in the clubs in miami & ft lauderdale to give us a name. the closest we came to that was being referred to as "the blackouts" at copa by all the gays that were afraid of us. the way we looked, they assumed we were on drugs, so why bother to confirm. we walked around saying to ourselves and to each other like a mantra: "nobody knows i'm high." meanwhile, "everybody thinks i'm high and i am" as thrill kill kult would whisper to us in our ears through remixes.
high meant to us...at least 1/4 or 1/2 a hit of acid. rainbow was the strongest, and becky was the dealer. she was a tall, masculine lesbian, who, legend has it kicked a woman in the stomach once. turns out the truth to that story was that she kicked someone's car once. she wore combat boots and was pretty scary looking. more on her later...anyway - she had the acid - she lived across the way from "mark&gregory" and dean. (you had to refer to them as "mark&gregory" in the same breath, they were almost always together, i never knew if there was anything between them, i'm sure there was at once point, but i think mark was too much of a drama queen for gregory in the long run) it was something like $20 bucks a hit - and we scrounged together that money with no job each week to buy at least 1 hit to split. the great thing about drugs like this, is people want you to experience with them, so a lot of the time, it was given to me/us by those in the group who worked and had the money. it was strong shit. i mean 1/4 hit and you felt good for the whole nite. you're eyes fluttered, you lost track of conversations; things didn't "melt" you didn't really see "trails" however, in a club with flashing lights and pulsing sounds, it would be hard to tell exactly what visual effect you were experiencing. oh, and you would dance! music sounded WONDERFUL and you wanted to dance to it. (but only the songs you liked)it was a small dancefloor, the dj booth was perched above with a window looking over it, so i wonder in hindsight what the dj thought when he saw our gimaced faces aimed upwards in auditory bliss, moving our bodies in ways that no one else on the dancefloor seemed to move. when the dj would play something we didn't like, our grimace changed to a sneer and we'd go out to the car to smoke.
we were the only ones who looked the way we did and the only ones that would all dance to pretty much the same songs at the same time.
some of us did more than others, but i don't think any of us did more than 2 whole hits of rainbow at a time. i'm telling you, the shit was strong. IF you went to sleep - you were WRECKED the next day. wiped out, lazy yet kinda wired. you couldn't eat or sleep really, just walked around like a zombie (which is ANOTHER blog all together) all pasty and pale, mark used to call it "bisque". makeup from the night before accensuating the dark circles under your eyes.
when we couldn't get the acid because becky was out, or even on alternating weeks, we'd buy MDA. now, let me explain MDA, not to be confused with MDMA, or ecstacy. MDA was/is different. helene, becky's girlfriend used to bring it back with her from canada. helene was french canadian, i hardly ever heard her speak. she would just stare with big, dark eyes - like some kind of racoon or something, smoking cigarettes. there is something in the chemical make-up of MDA, that to the best of my research, is less of a "love drug" like e, and more like a fuck drug. there was an edge to it. and it was strong as shit, too. at $15 bucks a hit, we'd split one and be rolling our balls off for 6 hours straight! there was no question whether it was good or not, or how long it might last. my chief complaint with e ..."am i feeling anything, am i high yet?" your eyes roll back in your head once and that's it?! for $30 bucks?!? get outta here! my comparison between the two was this: on e you looove everybody, touching and petting is nice. MDA - you wanna fuck anything that moves! your eyes roll back over and over again, you can't finish a sentence without a roll of euphoria, you work your jaw, grin a wicked grin from ear to ear all from 1/2 a hit! it came in a capsule, and was pure. not like powdered e you get now that is cut to shit with laxative and vitamin b or speed so you grind your teeth to a nub or chew holes in your cheeks. (as i'm known to do!)
like most users, we had our rituals. we'd all drop at a designated place on our way to fire & ice, in the garment district in miami. a place i never went to by day. only on weekend nites, usually saturday because fridays were dead for some reason. we'd drop as we passed the hotel. sometime smoking on the way, but definitely smoking before we went in to the club. we'd come stomping up all black and flowing - a mini-mob freakshow. the drugs would be just kicking in by that time, and i don't really remember ever having to wait in line. was there much of a line? come to think of it - we would get to the club before 11p, before they started charging cover. see, we used what money we had to dose, or maybe even to have a drink, which wasn't often because we were underage. some of the bartenders didn't check for the right stamp or whatever was needed to drink & we'd go to that bartender all the time - until we were found out - and that's another blog, too. so that was it - get there before 11, get stamped, walk in to an empty club - hang out for a short while, then go back out to smoke more - and really start "feeling it."

work

i'm gonna gripe about my job again. i just don't like what i'm doing. i KNOW how bad the economy is, i KNOW i'm lucky to have a job. i'm lucky that it so easy, i can pretty much do it in my sleep, i'm lucky the people i work with are nice enough, i'm lucky that they are patient with me throughout my family and health problems. but i look through linked in at all the people i know, and see how some have just blown up. i guess i should really just sit here and be happy that i can shop, surf, blog, read, do whatever i want for the greater part of the day and not really have to 'work' that hard. someone i know, or rather am 'linked to' is a department head of purchasing at netfix - i should have that job - but then i would probably be even more miserable - being in the middle of a corporate entity with constant reporting to higher ups and analysis being thrown at me from every direction. anther is a buyer/product manager for hustler - i TRIED to get a job with her - her boss was a flake & never called me back or followed through with the postition. then again, she never reached out to me again. i go so far out of my way to consider my friends who aren't working, try to hook them up with gigs as often as i can, think of them even for things that they might not even think of ... am i just not that good? did my decision to drop out of college have such a great impact on my career and livlihood? do the people i liked a lot, really not like me all that much?
after recieving a birthday present from me, a friend said that i was very thoughtful. i like to think of myself as so...i really put a lot of effort and thought into things like gifts. i try hard to look for something that person would like, something i would like them to have, something that makes me think of them - often times, friends don't do the same for me. gift certificates are nice, and i covet so much, it's not that hard to buy for me, but sometimes i feel a bit empty. i digress...
back to the work thing - i don't like what i'm doing. it's stupid and lame. i'm a rat on a sinking ship. we as employees don't reap the rewards of the image that the company holds. there seems to be no trickle down. i've said it before - i just wanna go answer phones. or work for whole foods or trader joe's - get a discount on food - something that i will not stop loving, like i seem to have stopped loving music. i always said, when i stopped loving music, hating everything that i heard, i'd quit. there was a time when i hated everything except the things i liked, but now, the past 6 or 7 releases that i used to like have all but SUCKED. so it's really TIME for me to get out - to let someone else do this job - someone who is still passionate about music, and can be interested in the releases/artist we work with. let's see what happens after the new year, what happens with my health, if there is a bonus. i do like the idea of having 2 weeks off for christmas - that's a first in my career. there really are a lot of +'s with this job. i should stop my bitching about it. it's hard. i'm used to not liking it - i should work on getting along with it.
enough, for now.

bittersweet

so along with the new president, which is wonderful and great and all the things it should be so far - several states, including my own, CA voted to support a BAN on gay marriage. sad and horrifying, that we can say we have grown so much as a society to elect a black president, yet still deny the most basic, non-offensive, non-invasive right of marriage to our neighbor. there are several suits up contesting the legality of the amendment and the state supreme court is likely to overturn is as unconstitutional - furthermore - the verbiage on the ballot was easily misunderstood. the religious right, as usual - always WRONG - poisoned the minds of many with millions of dollars to ensure that this amendment was passed. i, along with many others, am dissapointed at the lack of effort on the part of the rich fuckers in hollywood who did very little to support the defeat of prop 8. good for stephen spielberg and brad pitt for donating $1m or more to defeat it - many more of hollywood's elete should have forked over some cash - since the gays run rampant throughout the entertainment biz - some out, most closeted.

History

Barack Obama was elected president of The United States! a biracial man, raised by his white grandparents, put himself through school - HARVARD, no less. it's just amazing. and inspiring. all things good. the world looks forward to what he will accomplish. will he be as good as we all hope? he certainly couldn't be any worse than what we have suffered over the past 8 years.