i think i figured it out

i blew it when asked to discuss my current responsibilities. instead of saying what i do, (when i have something to do) i went on about how i desperately have nothing to do.

i guess i was trying to demonstrate how i wanted to work in an environment that was challenging for me, that kept me interested and inspired me and also exercised my brain. i was trying to point out what i liked about what i used to do...and how it has all changed.

at least that's what i am able to deduce.
though i need confirmation.

and yes, i am still devastated.

Living the double life

this could get interesting....a friend started a tumblr, dude suggested i start one, and so did the friend. so i did.
similar theme/content, but will certainly be censored to some extent. until i am comfortable enough expressing myself without any serious repercussions. i mean - tumblr will probably be things that i am willing to say out loud, whether anyone asked or not. blogger reflects the opinion and thoughts that no one asks about.

And So It Goes

Putting it out there

I've heard it said (or maybe read) that if you just put what you want out into the universe, the universe will provide. i think i can honestly say that has happened for me once...when i wished really really hard and repeated affirmations in my head as i fell asleep for things to work out with me & dude. so far so good.
so, do you only get one shot at that?
since i didn't get THAT JOB, perhaps i didn't wish hard enough - i want the universe to provide me with the reason. i want to know if it was something i did or said. was it what i wore? was i simply over-qualified and if that's the case, why not just have hired me on for the probationary period of 3 months, get all the best work out of me to get the job done and then say, no thanks, we're not hiring you on permanent - so i guess that kinda throws that answer out the window. so there must be something else. and i want to know.
i want someone to tell me - what it IS about ME...there must be something.
i remember telling a business associate/friend once that one of his clients was shit-talking him. saying he was useless and bad at his job to the rest of the other clients, which lead to a moment of commiserating and back stabbing. the next opportunity i had, i brought that business associate (sales rep) into my office and told him. i said i felt that he did a great job for me, and that i thought we had a great relationship and if the shoe were on the other foot - i'd want him to tell me. i told him this not to offend him (he wasn't) but to let him know there might be room to improve an important business relationship. he was very appreciative and actually turned the relationship around. it was actually quite impressive.
i am only asking the same courtesy. i don't think it matters where it comes from...who tells me - but someone has to tell me.
there. it's out there. universe: PROVIDE.