dude is going out of town this weekend. he leaves early tomorrow and returns on sunday. perhaps this weekend i will do some research on sexual harassment laws in CA, maybe schedule an appt with a temp agency with my BFF is in town and i have 2 days off...get the hallowe'en stuff out of storage + the big boots... get the lace bloomers for the zombeeeee costume...find my leopard print gloves...ooo! go to playclothes! (looking for a slip) i need to get my har did before hallowe'en, that's for sure! cut + color....hmmmm....

holiday

so today is a "holiday" for some people; "new year's." they have the day off. in a town where 80-90% of the people running it are celebrating this holiday - to have to work is beyond ridiculous. ya wanna know what i did today? scanned about 100 photos onto a flash drive, mostly. fucked around online and scanned photos. since 3p, i think i've recieved 5 emails. none of which were ugrent or needed any attention immediate or delayed. i get paid for this shit? it probably cost more to open the office and run the a/c all day. what a joke.

Capitalism: A Love Story

dude and i went to see it last nite - expecting the theatre to be crowded, but not at all. (i guess 3 theatres playing it every hour helped)
it was good. somewhat slightly better than i expected, but i knew what to expect. i walked out of the theatre feeling exactly as i expected to: frustrated, upset and most of all, helpless.
we told them NOT to vote for TARP they didn't, then went into a meetign and did it anyway. moore starts out the film saying the top 1% fear the voting power of the bottom 99%. why? he implied that out vote "for change" is going to be the resolutuon to all of this. that saintobama is really going to change everything. he was also careful to complete his movie and not include any of the status quo that has been evident in the past month(s).
and as with all of michael moore's movie, i walked away with a head full of shit! too much information! EVERYTHING is fucked up and wrong! he segueues from one issue to another after another after another! what do i do?! do i slip the airline pilot a $20 next time i fly? give him a sandwich? do i tell my sister to squat in her forclosed home until "they" product paperwork? do i ake calls (that worked out well; see: TARP) do i picket? where? at skank of america? do i have a sit in at the nearest mortgage company? what the hell do i do? where do i start?! i already "bank" through a credit union. i have no intentions of ever owning a home, so i'll never have to worry about making a bad reinvestment decision on a 2nd mortgage. i am certainly in no position to play the stock market any time soon...so where does that leave me? a single 1/2 cuban, female in california? i cna volunteer at my local homeless shelter, or women's center, right? that will at least make me feel like i;m doing soemthing to immediately help someone, somehow. especially since the governator cut funding completely.
rome is crumbling. the greed is too deep, the corruption is spread too far. the man to change is on the take, and he appointed all of the heads of the banks that destroyed "this great nation" to continue with the destruction.
i suppose the religious zealots don't care because of their end times teachings. what makes a human need to be right? are they going to turn to the damned, the jews, those who were not born again and stick their tongues out and say 'i told you so!' -? 'we were right and we get to go to heaven! you don't nyah nyah nyah.' that's not very christian like, is it?
headlines today read that there will be no change - things will go on as they are, we will bail out more, there will be no failures. health insurance is mandatory, but their is no regulation on cost. you HAVE to get healthcare - and the insurance companies will dictate the price. or else what? you don't get treated if you go to ER? they'll throw your sick bleeding body in jail? how can i stop my tax money from being used for bailing out banks? dude say move to another country. sure - but you can't STAY there. you can't go to the french consolate and claim diplomatic immunity because the US is raising your taxes to pay for something you don't support.
although, i do have relatives in spain....

work drama

the owner is fucking the new accounting and newly assigned HR chick. he's also getting a divorce from his wife of 16 years - apparently the wife initiated it. they also have 2 kids together. i need not point out the legal ramifications of this wildly innapropriate relationship. one of my co-workers gave her notice yesterday, stating that she didn't want to work in this drama filled environment anymore - she's 21 and lives at home - and is either in for a world of dissapointment as far as workplace drama is concerned OR will have a ridiculously successful career, having taken control of such toxic environments at such an early stage in her life. the first thing bossman says is that HE'S IN LOVE WITH HR chick. the second thing he asks is if the girl knows if I and MAD AT HIM for fucking HR chick! she's quitting, citing irreconsilable differences, and also citing specific issues with him and the company, and these are his top concerns!! apparently HR chick has told the girl that gave her notice that bossman plans on marrying her in january and they'll have a baby together by june (which made me vomit a little - again)
the girl leaving is goingto a company that i hiring people of my caliper so hopefully she can help me get in the door. at this point - anything to get out of here.
i wonder if i should pursue the CA state labor board about this issue? i'd imagine it would be like setting the place on fire, but it would certainly ensure that i would get myself OUT of the business for good.
there are a million reasons why he should know better. 1st of all he's older, 2ndly she's the company HR person and accountant!! one day of proper HR training tells you how inherently WRONG this is! he's BARELY even separated! less than 3 weeks ago he was whining to be about how hard all of this is, and how he's not sure how he's holding it together! no more pity from me, asshole! i mean really how DUMB are you?! DUMB DUMB DUMB!! am i mad, no, not for the reasons you think. he probably thinks i'm mad b/c i didn't high 5 him when i found out. mad b/c he should fucking know better - for every reason. no, not mad, dissapointed, and total loss of respect. it went from very little to NONE.
ultimately contributing to the toxic environment i find myself working in and more motivation to get out as soon as possible!

resume

so i updated my resume (again). reformated it. i think my resume has been too speacialized and specfic to the music business. i think it needed to be more generic. so i went to salarydotcom, looked up job titles and formated the descritions into bullet pointed items of work experience. i have no idea if this will work. resumes are fucking bullshit anyways! what because my font isn't 12pt i'm going to be eliminated from the selection pool? whatEVER! if that's the case, i don't want to work there anyway. srsly! what does formatting have to do with anything! i sent in for 2 positions posted at a cmpnay my friend works for. we'll see what happens. i should let her know i applied. not that i think she can do anything about it - i dont think she'd like to work with me anyway - but maybe she can say something to someone to pick my resume out of the pile (or emails) and look a little more closely...actually - ima go do that now....

funny that

my last post - about processing anger - posted on 9/11. a day when just about everyone in this country felt anger for at least a moment. we collectively felt anger, sadness, confusion, and fear...mostly fear, i think. and not much has changed. we are still afraid. too scared to walk into an airport with a bottle of water - too scared to wear our shoes through the metal detector - but not scared enough to control our guns, or our hatespeak, or our hubris. (it seems nothing will scare that out of us)

processing anger

i have so much pent up anger for the (most recent) x. (the one that's still alive) i feel like it's holding me back. everytime i go to my storage unit to look for something, only to find it's not there - i'm reminded of the the things he has taken from me. i am reminded that my life has been reduced to a 5x10 space, 1/2 a closet, and boxes in a garage. true, EVERYTHING about my life is better without the x - but there are things that eat away at me. he has a home, fully paid for. his mother left him money. he has a whole house full of furniture, and brand new appliances plus THREE storage units filled with the same. furniture that i paid for. appliances that were mine, even a microwave that was a birthday gift from my mother, a television that was a christmas gift. let alone the thousands of dollars he owes me. he'll never be man enough to stop and think - i should at least make a gesture and give me something towards what he owes me. and that makes me angry! dude says i seem to want to make the x pay - to teach him a lesson, to have everyone know what a loser he is and walk away from him. sometimes that's true. sometimes i just feel bad for him. i would like it if he woke up one day and realized something - anything - about our relationship. i want him to accept responsibility for its demise, as i have. i know i could have communicated more - if only he made me feel safe enough to do so. i was as patient as anyone could ever be - he had all the time and freedom in the world to figure out what he wanted to do. when i needed him to do for me - he did not. that's when my patience ran out. that's when i had to check out. and i am happier now, i have found the man of my dreams and he satisfies me completely.
i should get help - find someone to talk to who can give me professional advice and the right tools to process this anger. i know by simply acknowledging the problem i'm having is the right step in the right direction to getting "better' about it. i think i need a few more tools - to get me to a better place. so i don't think of what i've lost anymore - because i know i've gained so much. i guess it's the little things that always get to me.

forgot

i was going to post yesterday, but forgot. it was 9/9/09 - i always forget to do something on the most significant dasy, don't i? oh well. who cares, right, always screaming no one reading, right?
saw 9 with dude last nite. it was great! lovely little film. my 3rd best film seen this year, preceeded by The Hurt Locker and yummy star Jeremy Renner and by District 9 - awesome sci-fi flick, fast paced and interesting telling of an all too familiar story.
next post - completely different subject....

here we are again

still at the same job. still not liking it. now there are more people here - the house of cards is growing, and still on shakey ground. bossman is in the process of getting a divorce - and what does he do? goes to vegas. he's gross. i want to be away from him and his irrational, xanax addled behavior. is it possible to work for someone who is NOT crazy? do sane bosses even exist? i have always had a certain level of crazy in a boss. almost always...no, ultimately ALWAYS ended up trying to avoid my boss or supervisor because they were crazy, mean, or a combination of the two.
a friend hooked me up with her headhunter. i sent a message today with my resume. i can't wait to see what happens! they friend raves about this headhunter, saying that she will do everything she can to place me. i have a feeling she is looking at my resume right now going "hunh?"
(sigh) i can do whatever! i don't need a corporate ladder to climb! i can answer phones, data entry/maintenance...i'm not looking to be a svp or anything!