so here we are - the day before hallowe'en...All Hallow's Eve. my favorite time of year! i should be super excited and in a great mood, but i'm not. i'm kinda bummed out and mopey. the only reason i can think of is work. (the whole 'i hate my job, this sucks, etc. etc.)
the good thing is that the work day is almost over. no plans for this evening - hopefully carve a few more pumpkins. the one we carved on sunday died already cuz it's been stupid hot here! (i cold live in FL for this heat! what the f?)
i'm sure i'll shake it off when i get out of here.
last week was the costume party - which really didn't turn out too many exciting costumes - tomorrow will be the traditional visit to the friend's house after handing out candy at ours. the block off the streets and have tons and tons of trick or treaters which is great.
dude said i might get a hallowe'en prezzie. that's always something nice to look forward to! that reminds me - i should go order the xms gift he sent me as an idea.
have a wonderfully frightening time this weekend! scare as many small children as you can! it's good for them!
Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
new prospects
i submitted my resume to 2 jobs today at a company i really want to work for. i interviewed with them before, about 2.5 or 3 years ago and they either decided to hire internally or not to fill the position at all (i'm sure i still have the email - i should look into that)
i'm getting more stuff from my previous task list handed back to me and then some. which is a drag. it's not hard work - none of it is - i just don't want to do it. don't care to get any more engaged in this company than i already am!
NAMI is slow to go. i've entered some emailed to their site for newsletters, have some calls to make to confirm addy's + emails and go over. tomorrow i'm going to be discussing some program that they want to use to manage a database. i'm keen on that, moreso than anything else, i think. they all were looking at me like i was fresh meat at the meeting i went to last week. everyone involved in this group is so old! the treasurer is 70. they all have family and/or loved ones that are inflicted with some kind of severe mental illness, so they are also very impressed with the fact that i am not otherwise compromised by an emotional attachment. i really hope this opens the doors for other non-profit work for me. i'd realyl like to get into a real non-profit job, not just volunteer stuff. getting in at this point - when it's not fundraising season or "walk" season is good, too.
i'm getting more stuff from my previous task list handed back to me and then some. which is a drag. it's not hard work - none of it is - i just don't want to do it. don't care to get any more engaged in this company than i already am!
NAMI is slow to go. i've entered some emailed to their site for newsletters, have some calls to make to confirm addy's + emails and go over. tomorrow i'm going to be discussing some program that they want to use to manage a database. i'm keen on that, moreso than anything else, i think. they all were looking at me like i was fresh meat at the meeting i went to last week. everyone involved in this group is so old! the treasurer is 70. they all have family and/or loved ones that are inflicted with some kind of severe mental illness, so they are also very impressed with the fact that i am not otherwise compromised by an emotional attachment. i really hope this opens the doors for other non-profit work for me. i'd realyl like to get into a real non-profit job, not just volunteer stuff. getting in at this point - when it's not fundraising season or "walk" season is good, too.
Monday, October 26, 2009
the narcissist revisted.
so, i asked the x for some of my property back, mind you, he "decided" i could not have my cats. my last communication to him wsa "now i hate you" i was as direct, even moreso, that i could ever be with him...here's how it went down (names have been XXXed out to protect the identity of the innocent)
me to him:
--
and then, his diabtribe:
7 paragraphs, including at least 1 threat - just to tell me, he'll think about it. this is what i dealt with for 10 years. no, he didn't ruin me, he didn't ruin my life. on the contrary - i am quite grateful and satisfied with what my life has become - and i ultimately have him to thank. i didn't live in his mother's house rent free. i paid her rent - not because she asked, but because it was the right thing to do. the only reason i lived there as long as i did (and it wasn't 5 years, it was only 3) was because i was waiting for him to get his shit together for us to move out. i moved out on my own in 2001 - and that was after he chansed me around a locked room trying to strangle me and i called 911. even at that, he practically lived with me the whole time. just assumed his residency into the apartment. i could go, point for point and try to contest and defend myself and correct him where i think he is wrong, but there is no point. there is no reasoning for a narcissist and citing his innaccuracies will only enrage him.
he carries so much anger with him. i promise you, the first fight he has with this poor girl if money is invlolved in anyway she will get all of the anger, hatred and resentment he has towards me over this. we didn't break up over money, we broke up over lack of support and god awful sex. i needed emotional and physical support - he did not provide it. i needed a compassionate, giving lover - he was not. i needed a bogger dick, or someone who knew how to use a small one. we just didn't work physically. at this point, it's about money and things. not much else. the tone of his response is very much like "if you had only stuck around, all of this could be yours" like i should be kicking myself or something. i am not, and i never will be. i am so much happier with my life, yes. he should be nothing but happy with his and willing to get the "things" out of the way. i hope they are happy together, i really do. i hope he is happy and able to support and she him for the rest of their lives. better him than me. we should not have been together as long as we were, i am ashamed to admit. but if he hadn't stayed together as long, i wouldn't be where i am now, and to the x, i am eternally grateful for that.
i opted out of any gentility, knowing full well that it would only encourage a greater dialogue with him, which i need to avoid at all possible costs, including never seeing any of my stuff again. and he obviously feels defensive for having sold some of my stuff over the weekend. sure dude, take the house, the cats, everything AND sell it to make a profit...awesome. with out even a moment of pause to contact me and ask me if i want anything back! and as far as the TV - he sold it to a friend, who then deducted the cost from an item he bought me for our anniversary. - so wait - i PAID for my anniversary present, too? that i left with him?!? wow.
so my response to him was simply something to the effect of: all plesantries aside, thank you for the quick response and i look forward to hearing from you soon.
the other funny thing is years ago, when his band broke up, he sent the singer of the band a certified letter, emploring and not far from DEMANDING that the lead singer pay him for lost wages. he felt that he was right and just to do so. the singer never even gave him the decency of a response, let alone offer to compensate him. i guess i am now also grateful for a response. i am not looking forward to the few other things he has found that are mine.
me to him:
Now that some of the dust has settled - I was wondering if it wouldn't be
too much trouble to address some personal belongings of mine that you have
decided to keep as your own. I would like them back, (or at least the
opportunity to refuse) and I would also appreciate at least a gentlemanly
attempt for some reciprocation.washer + dryer
refrigerator
microwave (purchased with birthday money from my mother)
television (or cash equivalent for the exchange between you and sunny - $200 the TV was a christmas gift to me from my mother)
jack skelington cookie jar (taken out of my hands during my move - did
you lose or break yours? because it is not in with my hallowee'n items as you so
aggressively protested - i already had a cookie jar stolen in new orleans if you
recall, i would appreciate the return of mine, please)if you have come across it, the red wig from pirate wench costume (that's not with my stuff either)
lastly, any financial offer you would deem appropriate as a mere attempt to replace the 401k i withdrew after virgin that i used to to pay your half of everything while i was out of work. that was my retirement and tax money, it was not to be used to pay your 1/2 of rent, cable, DWP, gas from december 2006 through april of 2007. i don't expect this, i'm sure you think it was my obligation to spend whatever money i (or my mother) had to keep a roof over our heads, and i certainly am not trying to go back to every last dime spent (you vs. me and my mother) - but i put aside exactly $2000 from the 401k withdrawal so that i could pay the taxes on it the following year. i had to use that money when you had nothing to contribute on household living and have had to pay dearly for it in back taxes, interest and penalties.
reply as you see fit - do as you wish, as always.
--
and then, his diabtribe:
I wasn't even going to respond to this, as you have the tact and gentility of a
bulldozer (you should really work on that for your own benefit, especially when
you want something from someone), but here goes...
I'm currently in the middle of handling the estate of my Mom and the moneys and dealings of this are still up in the air. I will think about compensating you in some way, although, as I've just mentioned, your less than friendly letter to me here has already pissed me off, so, we'll see if I decide to give you anything. I could even be
petty and say that you got my best friend and caused me a ton of emotional and
mental anguish, as well as the work I did to build/create things for you (make
Halloween Costumes, build CD wall-units, etc.) in the ten+ years we went out,
but I won't. As far as I see it, we're kind of even, if nothing more than in a
"Universal"-kind of way.
I also need to remind you that, when you moved out, you never, ever stated that you wanted the Microwave, Washer and Dryer or refrigerator. You actually (if you remember) told me to keep them, as you didn't want to move or deal with them. I did, have been storing them in my house, then storage unit I've been paying for this past year (you had over a year to ask for them back and never did), and just sold them at a garage sale yesterday. I still have the dryer here if you're interested, but you'll have to arrange a time and method of picking it up. I still have your Jack cookie jar and came across it in my storage while clearing stuff out for the sale. I also came across the Jerry Lee Lewis framed poster of yours, as well as a few other things, which I will gladly give all back to you (as well as XXX's Bass Guitar and Vocal
Microphone). I would've done it sooner, but I have been dealing with the immense
task of taking care of (and interring) my mother, moving out of the Bassett
house and moving XXX (the mail order bride - ed) out and trying to get settled in this house. I do owe
you for the TV and will pay you for it as soon as I am able (I had XXXX buy the
Redhead Big Fig for you and she deducted it from what she owed us for the TV,
which I was unable to pay back to you). I honestly thought I did not have your
cookie jar in my posession. It was deep inside a box of other Halloween
decorations. There was no foul play here, as you strongly suspect, just a lot of
stuff that got lost in the shuffle. I do not know where the Redhead wig is, but
if I come across it, I'll get it back to you. I have no use for it.
I don't expect, nor do I care if you believe this or not, but I never thought you had
any "Obligation" to spend whatever money you spent on our bills. I assumed, as
many people do, when in a relationship built on love and support, that both are
"All for one", "in it together", and take care of each other, no matter what.
That's how I am with XXX (the mail order bride - ed) - we are there for each other no matter what and money is no object. If I have it, I pay, if she does, she does. Right now, I pay for everything and I am fine with that. When she gets settled, she will pay for things - we both will, at different times. Not that big a deal to us. It's our
money. it's all for the good of both of us, we both benefit. If I had to pay for
everything for the next five years, I'd be fine with that (and I would die
before I made her feel bad about it). To me, that's what love is. There is no
resentment caused by it. I was foolish to think you thought that way too, and
I'm sorry.
Oh, and in case you forgot (since you love to drive home the fact
about how much your Mom sacrificed for us) - my Mom let us live, rent-free - for
FIVE YEARS in her home and showered you with a ton of nice gifts. You're not the
only one.
Let me once again remind you, XXXX - you got what you wanted in
this. You got to get away from me and have your freedom. It's what You wanted.
Everything in life has sacrifices. Everything. You also got a number of my
longtime friends (some of which, I'm actually not sad to be rid of, as they
showed their true colors in all of this). I lost things in this, too. I lost my
girlfriend, whom I loved dearly, my life I had enjoyed with her, as well as a
lot of posessions we shared together, some of my friends...you always like to
act the hurt party, like it was always this terrible experience, like I was this
horrible drain to your life and never gave you any joy, whatsoever. I'm sure,
when you tell all of my ex-friends how horrible I was (I can only imagine), you
must always leave out how I made Christmas Stockings you loved, CD shelves you
filled, dressers I stained and distressed, costumes I created, masks I made,
gifts I bought you for no reason, etc.. I was destroyed by your leaving. I was
only because of a few, loyal and amazing friends - and my wonderful family -
that I managed to get on and once again find some happiness. So, next time you
want to throw your hand to your head and cry out "Oh, woe is me - XXX ruined my
life!", just think about that for a second.
This is the last I will discuss about this, as I am insanely busy trying to get settled into my new life. I will contact you when a time can be arranged for me to give you back your things (it will be over the next month, as I will have to find the stuff in
storage). Please do not start harassing me with countless, vicious e-mails. If
you do, you will never hear from me again and forgo every bit of your things.
7 paragraphs, including at least 1 threat - just to tell me, he'll think about it. this is what i dealt with for 10 years. no, he didn't ruin me, he didn't ruin my life. on the contrary - i am quite grateful and satisfied with what my life has become - and i ultimately have him to thank. i didn't live in his mother's house rent free. i paid her rent - not because she asked, but because it was the right thing to do. the only reason i lived there as long as i did (and it wasn't 5 years, it was only 3) was because i was waiting for him to get his shit together for us to move out. i moved out on my own in 2001 - and that was after he chansed me around a locked room trying to strangle me and i called 911. even at that, he practically lived with me the whole time. just assumed his residency into the apartment. i could go, point for point and try to contest and defend myself and correct him where i think he is wrong, but there is no point. there is no reasoning for a narcissist and citing his innaccuracies will only enrage him.
he carries so much anger with him. i promise you, the first fight he has with this poor girl if money is invlolved in anyway she will get all of the anger, hatred and resentment he has towards me over this. we didn't break up over money, we broke up over lack of support and god awful sex. i needed emotional and physical support - he did not provide it. i needed a compassionate, giving lover - he was not. i needed a bogger dick, or someone who knew how to use a small one. we just didn't work physically. at this point, it's about money and things. not much else. the tone of his response is very much like "if you had only stuck around, all of this could be yours" like i should be kicking myself or something. i am not, and i never will be. i am so much happier with my life, yes. he should be nothing but happy with his and willing to get the "things" out of the way. i hope they are happy together, i really do. i hope he is happy and able to support and she him for the rest of their lives. better him than me. we should not have been together as long as we were, i am ashamed to admit. but if he hadn't stayed together as long, i wouldn't be where i am now, and to the x, i am eternally grateful for that.
i opted out of any gentility, knowing full well that it would only encourage a greater dialogue with him, which i need to avoid at all possible costs, including never seeing any of my stuff again. and he obviously feels defensive for having sold some of my stuff over the weekend. sure dude, take the house, the cats, everything AND sell it to make a profit...awesome. with out even a moment of pause to contact me and ask me if i want anything back! and as far as the TV - he sold it to a friend, who then deducted the cost from an item he bought me for our anniversary. - so wait - i PAID for my anniversary present, too? that i left with him?!? wow.
so my response to him was simply something to the effect of: all plesantries aside, thank you for the quick response and i look forward to hearing from you soon.
the other funny thing is years ago, when his band broke up, he sent the singer of the band a certified letter, emploring and not far from DEMANDING that the lead singer pay him for lost wages. he felt that he was right and just to do so. the singer never even gave him the decency of a response, let alone offer to compensate him. i guess i am now also grateful for a response. i am not looking forward to the few other things he has found that are mine.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
NAMIMeeting
so i have my 1st NAMI meeting tonite. it's an open meeting with a guest speaker; a person who has run mobile psyche unit with a partner. the NAMI person tells me it's a good introduction to the challenges people face, day to day trying to find treatment. i have also been invited to a private meeting tomorrow. apparently the group is embarking on several new projects and this is a good time for me to offer my help - with spreadsheets and what-not.
i'm a little nervous. not sure how much i am willing to commit and afraid to over-commit myself. am i doing the right thing - am i ready for this? i tried to help out an animal group before and was relegated to cold calling and fund raising. luckily (haha) i got this shitty job and was able to gracefully bow out. i like animals more than people and ultimately would rather be doing all of this for animals, but i will look at this as a place to start. a good place to start.
i'll let ya know how it goes! wish me luck!!
i'm a little nervous. not sure how much i am willing to commit and afraid to over-commit myself. am i doing the right thing - am i ready for this? i tried to help out an animal group before and was relegated to cold calling and fund raising. luckily (haha) i got this shitty job and was able to gracefully bow out. i like animals more than people and ultimately would rather be doing all of this for animals, but i will look at this as a place to start. a good place to start.
i'll let ya know how it goes! wish me luck!!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
i'm back!
my bff came to town over this past weekend for her bday. so, i was pretty busy. we went shopping, site seeing, disney, more shopping, eating, more eating & had lots of fun. dude was sick, so he didn't come along most of the time and after she left last nite, he told me that he was dissappointed at my lack of consideration and attentiveness to his illnessi could do nothing but apologize. he was also concerned at the fact that i had taken vicodin while at disney. i don't have a "problem" - just like to partake from time to time. no big deal and it hardly phazed me. whatever. we'll leave the part out about sharing clonopin with the bff the whole weekend, too. jeeze. when boys get sick - they are really impossible.
also - i've been obsessing while not working on this website about a 7 year old girl with schitzophrenia. i came across the story on a gossip site that was hammering oprah for her lack of compassion for the child during an expose/interview. i skipped the oprah part and went straight to the source - which is a blog by the parents of this little girl and their daily struggles in keeping her alive and happy. it's a blog for parents of severely mentally ill children or relatives and it's absolutely captivating! so much so, that i found myself compelled to help in some way. it turns out there is a non-profit all volunteer group called NAMI, and i offered my services to support data entry. i am expecting a call this evening from the person in charge. he/she said they just did a mailing or something like that and have a lot of handwritten data to be processed. i can do that shit in my sleep! maybe this will lead to something more fufulling. i don't think i'm ready for hands on care for the mentally ill, but this could get me in the door to other non-profit work that could satisfy my cravings for a life of meaning, fufillment, inspiration, and purpose!
also - i've been obsessing while not working on this website about a 7 year old girl with schitzophrenia. i came across the story on a gossip site that was hammering oprah for her lack of compassion for the child during an expose/interview. i skipped the oprah part and went straight to the source - which is a blog by the parents of this little girl and their daily struggles in keeping her alive and happy. it's a blog for parents of severely mentally ill children or relatives and it's absolutely captivating! so much so, that i found myself compelled to help in some way. it turns out there is a non-profit all volunteer group called NAMI, and i offered my services to support data entry. i am expecting a call this evening from the person in charge. he/she said they just did a mailing or something like that and have a lot of handwritten data to be processed. i can do that shit in my sleep! maybe this will lead to something more fufulling. i don't think i'm ready for hands on care for the mentally ill, but this could get me in the door to other non-profit work that could satisfy my cravings for a life of meaning, fufillment, inspiration, and purpose!
Friday, October 9, 2009
well now that's completely different!
so i suck it up and decide to confront the bossman. turns out, he didn't read ANY of the emails that went out and had NO IDEA how the holiday/vacation/pay information had been deceminated to the rest of the company.
turns out - if you've been here for over a year you WILL be paid for the 3 days mentioned in my previous post. if you have NOT, you MIGHT be asked to come in for 1/2 days and can use ONE vacation day to cover those 3 days IF you are called in, IF it is so busy that bossman needs the help. (he won't - it's deader than dead during the holidays)
so i apologized profusely for coming off accusatory in anyway or being confrontational. i told him i understood completely and that i am glad that we talked. he is going to explain it to the rest of the company in our monday conference call.
whether he truly accepted my apology or not, i really don't care and i kinda doubt it - he'll carry that around as an attack to anyone and everyone else he can.
i hasn't deterred my one bit to find another job.
he's still a douche.
turns out - if you've been here for over a year you WILL be paid for the 3 days mentioned in my previous post. if you have NOT, you MIGHT be asked to come in for 1/2 days and can use ONE vacation day to cover those 3 days IF you are called in, IF it is so busy that bossman needs the help. (he won't - it's deader than dead during the holidays)
so i apologized profusely for coming off accusatory in anyway or being confrontational. i told him i understood completely and that i am glad that we talked. he is going to explain it to the rest of the company in our monday conference call.
whether he truly accepted my apology or not, i really don't care and i kinda doubt it - he'll carry that around as an attack to anyone and everyone else he can.
i hasn't deterred my one bit to find another job.
he's still a douche.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
HEY COCKSMOKER! EAT A BAG O' DICKS!!
that goes out special to the owner of the company i work for.
we just found out today that we are not getting paid for 3 days during the christmas break. in our joke of a business, it is customary to close the offices for the week between christmas and new year's. we did last year. we are however, expected to be "on call" or available in case of emergency. (define "emergency" in the fucking music business) the only "emergency" i could imagine would be michael jackson rising from the grave and doing a moon walk. or many U2 dying in a firely plane crash (one can only hope) and both of those scenarios do not affect me in any way shape or form. i do not work for sony, universal, or interscope. if one of our shitty artists died over the holidays, trust me, no one would give a fuck and sicne we are tits on a bowl, the most middle of middle men; a marketing company, there's not fuck all i could do but get in the way anyway. managers, head of labels and distribution would have to deal with that shit - i would be the LAST person anyone would need to get involved.
so we found out TODAY that we will not get paid for 12/28-30. IF we have been with the company for more than a year, we can use any vacation, personal, or sick time we may have left and use them to get paid for those 3 days. well, fuck - if i had KNOWN i was getting fucked out of holiday pay - i might have planned my personal and vacation time differently. thanks for the rule change mid court motherfucker! oh, and the offices will be closed anyway, so even if we wanted to work and get paid, we can't - we're "closed. " even though we all have keys to the office and could come in if we wanted to...we're closed and won't get paid. WHAT.THE.FUCK!
and let me just say - this cocksmoker, the one who has been fucking the "HR Director" is about to sell 1/2 of the company for $500k. FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND dollars - is getting a divorce, (just broke up with the HR chick yesterday apparently) and now I am loosing my holiday pay?!
motherFUCKER
i just got 3 days worth of more motivation to get outta here.
we just found out today that we are not getting paid for 3 days during the christmas break. in our joke of a business, it is customary to close the offices for the week between christmas and new year's. we did last year. we are however, expected to be "on call" or available in case of emergency. (define "emergency" in the fucking music business) the only "emergency" i could imagine would be michael jackson rising from the grave and doing a moon walk. or many U2 dying in a firely plane crash (one can only hope) and both of those scenarios do not affect me in any way shape or form. i do not work for sony, universal, or interscope. if one of our shitty artists died over the holidays, trust me, no one would give a fuck and sicne we are tits on a bowl, the most middle of middle men; a marketing company, there's not fuck all i could do but get in the way anyway. managers, head of labels and distribution would have to deal with that shit - i would be the LAST person anyone would need to get involved.
so we found out TODAY that we will not get paid for 12/28-30. IF we have been with the company for more than a year, we can use any vacation, personal, or sick time we may have left and use them to get paid for those 3 days. well, fuck - if i had KNOWN i was getting fucked out of holiday pay - i might have planned my personal and vacation time differently. thanks for the rule change mid court motherfucker! oh, and the offices will be closed anyway, so even if we wanted to work and get paid, we can't - we're "closed. " even though we all have keys to the office and could come in if we wanted to...we're closed and won't get paid. WHAT.THE.FUCK!
and let me just say - this cocksmoker, the one who has been fucking the "HR Director" is about to sell 1/2 of the company for $500k. FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND dollars - is getting a divorce, (just broke up with the HR chick yesterday apparently) and now I am loosing my holiday pay?!
motherFUCKER
i just got 3 days worth of more motivation to get outta here.
hi follower!!
i have my first follower!! hellooooo out there!! i hope you don't mind that i will continue to scream - no matter who might be listening!
and the profanities will not stop - i assume you are ok with that since you decided to follow.
please...walk this way....
and the profanities will not stop - i assume you are ok with that since you decided to follow.
please...walk this way....
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
death & taxes & the x (a long one)
as you may or may not know - the end of a 10 year relationship with the x (a narccissist) included me filing for personal bankruptcy. the BK dicharged in feb 09.
in 2006 when i changed jobs/careers, my bi-monthly payroll schedule did not jive with my financial commitments for rent and other living expenses. the x was not working (he rarely did) so the household finances were my responsibility. i had a 401k with my previous employer, so i withdrew that money, put enough aside to meet the hit i would take on taxes and floated us until the payroll from the new job came in.
the x, still never worked. 4 months in to the new job, the employer decides that i am not an good fit, and laid me off. this was december of 06. had i stayed with that job, i would have been making a fairly decent amount of money. i had just finished my christmas shopping, still had the tax money in the bank + a little more, and felt pretty good about everything, even considering the x wasn't working. so here it is, december, no work, and several weeks of fighting for unemployment...several weeks go by, christmas, new year's, still fighting for unemployment, the x still doing fucking nothing.
so, i had to use the money i had set aside to pay off the tax hit from the w/d of my 401k to live. that was february 2007. that's when i knew it had to end. i was done with him, and didn't know how to end it. i was scared, i was trapped, i did't have a job, no $$ and certainly nowhere to go. april 07 i start a shitty job, for very little money. suffice it to say, the x probably wasn't working. i had to go to my mom for money most of the time. i tell him again i want to break up, i can't do it anymore.
may 2007, a few days after my father's bday, my sister calls me at work to tell me my dad had died. my fatehr and i had been estranged for sometime, so it really didn't phase me, still hasn't really. but i went home from the shitty job anyway, took the rest of the day off. here's where the timeline gets a little fuzzy....i think within 2 weeks my mother tells us she has lung cancer. she says all this time they have been treating her for bronchitus and pneumonia - they finally diagnosed her with cancer. she says she will undergo chemotherapy, and avoids the "how long do you have" question/answer.
i file for an extention on the '06 taxes, because i know i'm going to owe - and i did, made payment arrangements & all. late november of 07, i secure a BK lawyer. i had gone to collections on all my credit cards, mostly in part due to the fact that i had to support a household on my income and food, power, and rent come before credit card bills. when you secure a BK lawyer, all collections stop - even collections like for me, my taxes and car payment, that i was making regularly. (with the help of my mom from time to time)
july 2008 my mom dies, and i use the very small amount of money she left me to pay off the BK lawyer and proceed with filing. it dischared in feb '09. i file an extention again for my '08 taxes and i think in march or april recieved a notice that now that my BK has discharged CA wants their money.
august of 09, the x's mom dies of cancer. she leaves him and his brother her house, which was paid in full, car, and from what i gather, a substanical amount of money between the 2 of them. granted, the brother got the house, b/c he is the responsible one and the x is allowed to live there, and only has to help out with the property taxes every year. the brother and his wife have accepted the fact that the x will never be able to take care of himself like an adult.
i got confused because i thought my 2007 tax return credit, covered my 2006 taxes owed. i also thought i had paid my 2006 taxes off, but could not find the cancelled check anywhere. i sent the information into the tax accountant - it was april - he was kinda busy (obviously). i didn't hear back, got a few more notices. when i finally got my taxes done, tax guy told me i had to pay it, so i did. check cleared, thank you drive thru please.
THEN - my employer recieves notification that CA tax board wants to garnish my wages!! i spent the better part of te morning trying to get thru to the franchise tax board, and much like my experiences with EDD - too many calls & they hang up on you! it's amazing. unemployment is something like 12% in CA, and they don't have anough people to answer phones or can't have a system that adequately puts calls in a line. long story shot (i know, too late) i have to pay the interest and late fee's on top of what i already paid. fuckers. whatever, they remove the garnish from my wages, i make arrangments to pay the balance in full, just to get it behind me.
so here's the rub.
for 10 years, i fucking supported this asshole. gave him all the time and support he needed to figure out what he wanted to do - with his music career and life - want to write music to make money - do it, great. paid bills, bought him gear, i just wanted him to pay his 1/2. he never, hardly ever did. my mom paid out thousands of dollars to help support us when he wouldn't go to his family, or if he did - they wouldn't help or insisted that he actually do work aroudn thewir house to get $$ from them. my mom never questioned - just helped as she could.
now that the x has money - goddammit - he should pay me back!! at least put forth a gentlemanly EFFORT! he fucking got the house that i took a loan out for my 401k to rent, the furniture that i paid more than 1/2 of, TV that was a gift from my mom, fridge, microwave (another gift from mom, washer and dryer that was mine!!! then when he moved out of that house and into his mother's - he took ALL of that stuff and put it in storage!!
isn't it only FAIR that he make an effort to give me something? i mean, i have spreadsheets the i used to budget our bills that show how little he gave me at any given time. i can calculate an approximate of what he owes me. shouldn't i be entitled to at least a portion of that?
i have to write him a letter (as he has done several times) or perhaps approach his brother and sister-in-law as mediators. i don't know. this is going to be tough. you can't negotiate with crazy.
that's my rant for today. sorry it was a long one...
in 2006 when i changed jobs/careers, my bi-monthly payroll schedule did not jive with my financial commitments for rent and other living expenses. the x was not working (he rarely did) so the household finances were my responsibility. i had a 401k with my previous employer, so i withdrew that money, put enough aside to meet the hit i would take on taxes and floated us until the payroll from the new job came in.
the x, still never worked. 4 months in to the new job, the employer decides that i am not an good fit, and laid me off. this was december of 06. had i stayed with that job, i would have been making a fairly decent amount of money. i had just finished my christmas shopping, still had the tax money in the bank + a little more, and felt pretty good about everything, even considering the x wasn't working. so here it is, december, no work, and several weeks of fighting for unemployment...several weeks go by, christmas, new year's, still fighting for unemployment, the x still doing fucking nothing.
so, i had to use the money i had set aside to pay off the tax hit from the w/d of my 401k to live. that was february 2007. that's when i knew it had to end. i was done with him, and didn't know how to end it. i was scared, i was trapped, i did't have a job, no $$ and certainly nowhere to go. april 07 i start a shitty job, for very little money. suffice it to say, the x probably wasn't working. i had to go to my mom for money most of the time. i tell him again i want to break up, i can't do it anymore.
may 2007, a few days after my father's bday, my sister calls me at work to tell me my dad had died. my fatehr and i had been estranged for sometime, so it really didn't phase me, still hasn't really. but i went home from the shitty job anyway, took the rest of the day off. here's where the timeline gets a little fuzzy....i think within 2 weeks my mother tells us she has lung cancer. she says all this time they have been treating her for bronchitus and pneumonia - they finally diagnosed her with cancer. she says she will undergo chemotherapy, and avoids the "how long do you have" question/answer.
i file for an extention on the '06 taxes, because i know i'm going to owe - and i did, made payment arrangements & all. late november of 07, i secure a BK lawyer. i had gone to collections on all my credit cards, mostly in part due to the fact that i had to support a household on my income and food, power, and rent come before credit card bills. when you secure a BK lawyer, all collections stop - even collections like for me, my taxes and car payment, that i was making regularly. (with the help of my mom from time to time)
july 2008 my mom dies, and i use the very small amount of money she left me to pay off the BK lawyer and proceed with filing. it dischared in feb '09. i file an extention again for my '08 taxes and i think in march or april recieved a notice that now that my BK has discharged CA wants their money.
august of 09, the x's mom dies of cancer. she leaves him and his brother her house, which was paid in full, car, and from what i gather, a substanical amount of money between the 2 of them. granted, the brother got the house, b/c he is the responsible one and the x is allowed to live there, and only has to help out with the property taxes every year. the brother and his wife have accepted the fact that the x will never be able to take care of himself like an adult.
i got confused because i thought my 2007 tax return credit, covered my 2006 taxes owed. i also thought i had paid my 2006 taxes off, but could not find the cancelled check anywhere. i sent the information into the tax accountant - it was april - he was kinda busy (obviously). i didn't hear back, got a few more notices. when i finally got my taxes done, tax guy told me i had to pay it, so i did. check cleared, thank you drive thru please.
THEN - my employer recieves notification that CA tax board wants to garnish my wages!! i spent the better part of te morning trying to get thru to the franchise tax board, and much like my experiences with EDD - too many calls & they hang up on you! it's amazing. unemployment is something like 12% in CA, and they don't have anough people to answer phones or can't have a system that adequately puts calls in a line. long story shot (i know, too late) i have to pay the interest and late fee's on top of what i already paid. fuckers. whatever, they remove the garnish from my wages, i make arrangments to pay the balance in full, just to get it behind me.
so here's the rub.
for 10 years, i fucking supported this asshole. gave him all the time and support he needed to figure out what he wanted to do - with his music career and life - want to write music to make money - do it, great. paid bills, bought him gear, i just wanted him to pay his 1/2. he never, hardly ever did. my mom paid out thousands of dollars to help support us when he wouldn't go to his family, or if he did - they wouldn't help or insisted that he actually do work aroudn thewir house to get $$ from them. my mom never questioned - just helped as she could.
now that the x has money - goddammit - he should pay me back!! at least put forth a gentlemanly EFFORT! he fucking got the house that i took a loan out for my 401k to rent, the furniture that i paid more than 1/2 of, TV that was a gift from my mom, fridge, microwave (another gift from mom, washer and dryer that was mine!!! then when he moved out of that house and into his mother's - he took ALL of that stuff and put it in storage!!
isn't it only FAIR that he make an effort to give me something? i mean, i have spreadsheets the i used to budget our bills that show how little he gave me at any given time. i can calculate an approximate of what he owes me. shouldn't i be entitled to at least a portion of that?
i have to write him a letter (as he has done several times) or perhaps approach his brother and sister-in-law as mediators. i don't know. this is going to be tough. you can't negotiate with crazy.
that's my rant for today. sorry it was a long one...
Monday, October 5, 2009
Hallowe'en
My favorite time of year! we are very excited!! planning festivities and participating in as many activities as possible.
this past saturday we attended a genuine SPOOKSHOW and this unbelievabluy pheonomenal home in hancock park. fer ef's sake WHO LIVES IN THESE HOUSES?!? oh, "old" hollywood money, for starters. this home has belonged to a magician's family for over 75 years. each year his daughter/grandaughter? and her dausters (at this point) hold a private party for the Happy unholy Holiday. (it was just a magic show, really...slight of hand, silver rings, etc.) oh if only it had involved some of the dark magic...that would have been delightfully frightful!
the home itself was/is exquisite! the incorporated the history of the property into the story of the magic show, presented by the most creepiest of hosts one could find. the house was built over a natual stream, that still flows, multilayered and lush with folliage beyond your wildest imaginations! just breathtaking! down one level, up another, up a short flight of stone steps to a fantastic pool. statuaries and candles everywhere. i tried to take photos, but i'm not one of those people that is very good at that kind of thing. either too much flash or not enough light. not to digress, but i know people with pretty much the same camera as me and every photo they take is great. i've read the manual, all i end up doing is pushing buttons and changing the settings beyond all recognition...
anyway...back to this house...unfortuately, i was having an allergy attack earlier in the day, huffed flonaise, no good, sudafed...nothing...one benedryl...nothing...showered, one more benedryl and another huff of flonaise later, the sneezing seemed to have subsided. dude was out of town and friends were driving, so i opted for a quick drink (vodka soda) and a quick little bonghit. (choke cough cough, uh oh.)
there was booze at the party, too. uh oh. now i'm not a big drinker...i had 2 more. filled a 3rd and went in to the theatre (yes, this house had it's own theatre!! - seriously, i lost could how many times i asked who i had to kill to live there!) stage, rows of seats, piano, a bar with hundreds of miniatures against the wall.
there were 6 dancers, in between each magic performance; reminicent of 20s style flappers, scantily clad, different shapes and sizes, but mostly small, dancer-like bodies. lovely. i found myself closing one eye so as not to see double...that's when i know i need to stop!
after the show, everyone began mingling, including the magicians, dancers, etc. at the snack table i started chatting with the piano player, who happened to appear in some klaus nomi documentary - apparent to all but myself in the conversation...he was a friend of judy, and wanted to get some booze, i joined him and we chatted. i was unfortunatley a little too buzzed to be all that charming.
next thing i know, my ride wants to leave and i have to make a hasty exit. i was disappointed, and entertained the idea of driving my drunk happy self BACK to the house after the friends dropped me off. in hindsight, it was for the best, most assuredly, since i probably would have ended up embarassing myself and/or others had i stayed and drank more.
there are things that have happened to me during my life in hollywood that make me feel like a better person having experienced them. The Spirits of Brooklegdge is one of them.
this past saturday we attended a genuine SPOOKSHOW and this unbelievabluy pheonomenal home in hancock park. fer ef's sake WHO LIVES IN THESE HOUSES?!? oh, "old" hollywood money, for starters. this home has belonged to a magician's family for over 75 years. each year his daughter/grandaughter? and her dausters (at this point) hold a private party for the Happy unholy Holiday. (it was just a magic show, really...slight of hand, silver rings, etc.) oh if only it had involved some of the dark magic...that would have been delightfully frightful!
the home itself was/is exquisite! the incorporated the history of the property into the story of the magic show, presented by the most creepiest of hosts one could find. the house was built over a natual stream, that still flows, multilayered and lush with folliage beyond your wildest imaginations! just breathtaking! down one level, up another, up a short flight of stone steps to a fantastic pool. statuaries and candles everywhere. i tried to take photos, but i'm not one of those people that is very good at that kind of thing. either too much flash or not enough light. not to digress, but i know people with pretty much the same camera as me and every photo they take is great. i've read the manual, all i end up doing is pushing buttons and changing the settings beyond all recognition...
anyway...back to this house...unfortuately, i was having an allergy attack earlier in the day, huffed flonaise, no good, sudafed...nothing...one benedryl...nothing...showered, one more benedryl and another huff of flonaise later, the sneezing seemed to have subsided. dude was out of town and friends were driving, so i opted for a quick drink (vodka soda) and a quick little bonghit. (choke cough cough, uh oh.)
there was booze at the party, too. uh oh. now i'm not a big drinker...i had 2 more. filled a 3rd and went in to the theatre (yes, this house had it's own theatre!! - seriously, i lost could how many times i asked who i had to kill to live there!) stage, rows of seats, piano, a bar with hundreds of miniatures against the wall.
there were 6 dancers, in between each magic performance; reminicent of 20s style flappers, scantily clad, different shapes and sizes, but mostly small, dancer-like bodies. lovely. i found myself closing one eye so as not to see double...that's when i know i need to stop!
after the show, everyone began mingling, including the magicians, dancers, etc. at the snack table i started chatting with the piano player, who happened to appear in some klaus nomi documentary - apparent to all but myself in the conversation...he was a friend of judy, and wanted to get some booze, i joined him and we chatted. i was unfortunatley a little too buzzed to be all that charming.
next thing i know, my ride wants to leave and i have to make a hasty exit. i was disappointed, and entertained the idea of driving my drunk happy self BACK to the house after the friends dropped me off. in hindsight, it was for the best, most assuredly, since i probably would have ended up embarassing myself and/or others had i stayed and drank more.
there are things that have happened to me during my life in hollywood that make me feel like a better person having experienced them. The Spirits of Brooklegdge is one of them.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Muse can suckit
OK - typical LA story....this morning i find out that Thom Yorke from Radiohead is playing a warm up show to his 2 sold out gigs next week with flea at this teeny tiny shitty club in hollywood. tix on sale @ noon. i got 4 other ppl online trying to get tix. the SECOND the clock hit 12, we all click...shit sold out immediately! THEN we find out that there is a release party upstairs from this teeny tiny club for the muse. evidently, there was never ever even the slightest chance that anyone was going to be able to buy tix tonite. i'm sure they are all going to industry people, label weenies and the like.
granted, i have had a full life of radiohead experiences - but that's an entirely different blog, all together - so i can die happy and satisfied, really. but i really would have liked to see thom do some of his solo stuff live at an intimate little club like that. (even if flea is shitting all over it on bass) it's just something about living in LA that you can't just have anything to yourself. EVERYONE is into EVERYTHING you are into. comics, movies, music, art - everything has a crowd and everything sells out in minutes. (except, oddly enough, virtually every band my x ever played in)
and as far as muse are concerned? they can suck it! they've always been the poor man's radiohead - the band that people say...i used to like radiohead before they got all art-y, now i like muse. fuck those guys. fuck that guy for trying to sound like thom yorke. if i had one person say to me: you like radiohead, you should like the muse, i had 10 people say it to me - and they can suck it too! how typical for there to be a party at the same place thome yorke is playing - how bloody original...be the promotional genius who thought that up got a big bonus.
the only other think i'd like beside seeing thom yorke play some solo stuff in a small club would be to sit down and have dinner with him. then i could really die happy.
granted, i have had a full life of radiohead experiences - but that's an entirely different blog, all together - so i can die happy and satisfied, really. but i really would have liked to see thom do some of his solo stuff live at an intimate little club like that. (even if flea is shitting all over it on bass) it's just something about living in LA that you can't just have anything to yourself. EVERYONE is into EVERYTHING you are into. comics, movies, music, art - everything has a crowd and everything sells out in minutes. (except, oddly enough, virtually every band my x ever played in)
and as far as muse are concerned? they can suck it! they've always been the poor man's radiohead - the band that people say...i used to like radiohead before they got all art-y, now i like muse. fuck those guys. fuck that guy for trying to sound like thom yorke. if i had one person say to me: you like radiohead, you should like the muse, i had 10 people say it to me - and they can suck it too! how typical for there to be a party at the same place thome yorke is playing - how bloody original...be the promotional genius who thought that up got a big bonus.
the only other think i'd like beside seeing thom yorke play some solo stuff in a small club would be to sit down and have dinner with him. then i could really die happy.
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