again with myspace

so the x reads a blog survey i posted and puts 2&2 together and figures out that i've been with the dude longer that he's been made aware of. which we all know is true, but not the point. so what does he do? he goes running to the dude, like a little fucking girl - questioning him. how long have you been together? what's really going on between you and for how long & all this crap. so dude call me - tears me a new asshole because he's told me time and time again that he doesn't want to have anything to do with my space and how many times does he have to tell me/ask me not to put up anything that has to do with him online.
well fer crying out loud! it was just a mindless-stupid-waste-of-time-survey! and i was sorry. but the more i thought about it - the more pissed off i got at the x for running to dude the way he did and questioning him.
a little backstory:
over the weekend - the x sent a message saying he thought it was 'funny' that my profile was offered to him as a potential friend or person he might know. (a new annoying myspace feature that i can't figure out how to turn off.) i didn't respond. until all this happened.
back to this story:
after dude gave me such a hard time, i went on my profile, which i can't delete b/c i can't get into the old email account i set it up with and deleted all my friends, posted that i was done w myspace and everybody who wanted to reach me could email me. (haven't heard a word from anyone since, so no one cared anyway)i also responded to the x, and told him in so many words, that i deleted him as a friend b/c he couldn't mind his own business.
dude didn't want to have anything to do with me that evening - so i was able to sit at home and stew. the x sent a text telling me he wrote me an email, which most certainly meant that it was an 18 page diatribe, denying any responsibility of any wrongdoing to me or mine. and actually tried to tell ME to mind MY OWN business b/c this was something between him and the dude, who the x likes to consider his "best friend" - a sentiment not reciprocated by the dude, just something the x arbitrarilty decided about their friendship. i basically told him to stay out of my business and to fuck off. and that i'd read the message the next day. i read it that nite - slept on in and crafted my response.
granted - i should not have posted anything that had anything to do with the dude. admittedly wrong - done. but it is in no way shpe or form any business of the x to run to the dude and question him on something i wrote on MY space - (not your space, not his space, MY space - that's why they call it my space) therefore, this is not an issue to be taken up between the x and the dude, if anything it should be taken up between the x and ME.
and he's such a pussy
his response to addressing the matter to the source (that would be me) "to keep you (me) from feeling embarassed or persecuted"
bullshit
his sole intention was to make sure that the dude was still his friend. he was/is threatened by my relationship with the dude compared to his (as he always was).
now - the x only went as far back as march - his math skills aren't all that good and he only read the survey question that asked how my love life was in march, to which i responded: fine. (if i remember correctly, nothing more) which - by no uncertain terms, the x and i were definitively BROKEN UP in march, which still makes it none of his business to know exactly what was meant by the reference of my love life as "fine". this is where he tried to question the dude, and corner him. dude, obviously had not read my survey/blog post on my space, so he had no earthly idea what the x was talking about. told him so, and apparently, also told him to stop trolling around and mind his own fucking business.
awesome
more backstory:
see this was the 2nd time in less than a week that the x pissed off the dude by not minding his own business. the x called dude on saturday to see what he was doing - not only did we have plans for a party, but he needed to visit a friend that needed to talk. no details given really, none that i care to disclose here, it doesn't matter anyway - but dude said to x "don't say anything, he just having some issues vague upon vague in relation to a specific "bleh".
well, the x SENDS AND EMAIL to dude's friend - saying, hey man, i heard you were having trouble this that and the other, sorry to hear, hope everything is ok, blah blah blah.
friend calls dude, going what the fuck, dude? the x is not even a friend, he is merely an acquaintance AT BEST! dude was pissed! called the x, what the fuck man! the x falls all over himself apologizing;
x: i feel like such a douchebag
dude: you should
x: i'm sorry
dude: you should be
then this who my space thing happens and dude was about ready to walk up to the x's front door & punch him in the face.
which would be awesome. by the way - someone, somewhere, really needs to punch that guy in the mouth for being such a douche!
the x has this thing for the dude. i like to call it a fetish. and the x, since pretty close to day one - has been all over dude. calls him, leaves a message, calls his cell, leaves a message. calls again. calls 2x in a row, calls 3x in a row - totally chronic! y'know!
and this is what he did when he read my bulletin the other day. called dude like 10x in a row! incessantly! dude was on his way to something important, what is your damage, what is so fuckign important? the x - oh, sorry man, call me when you're done, no big deal. dude is like, no, fucking tell me now, it was so important for you to call me incessantly.
in my letter to the x, b/c i KNOW this is the way it went down, because this is his M.O. i told him he ruined dude's important thing by calling incessantly. the x responds: it wasn't incessant, like you said - it was only like 3x, you know how dude can not call you back for a while...
YEAH - LIKE WHEN HE'S BUSY! calm the fuck down, son, he'll call you when he can and when he wants to!
the x did not like that.
he tried to attack me and tell me that he just wanted to be a good person and all this that and the other and how he wants me/us to be happy and all - to which i responded - we don't need your fucking permission.
i wasn't having it. good person or not - bad judgement to take issue with dude over something that had nothing to do with the x and the dude.
i haven't heard a peep from him since.
silence is often the best response.

music survey

Concert Survey: Mind you, music is my business - been in it for over 20 years.

How many concerts have you been to in your life-time? Certainly over 1000. I wish I had counted or written them down. I was just thinking I should try to gather all of my ticket stubs...there were probably over 100 guest list shows....
2. Have you ever been on a tour bus? A coupla few
3. Have you ever gotten an autograph or picture with a celebrity? Oh yes, many
4. Have you ever been on a Celebrity's top friends on myspace? yes
5. Have you ever gotten a myspace message or comment from a celebrity? yes ("celebrity" being a somewhat exaggerated term)
6. Have you ever gone somewhere with a band or musician after a show? yes
7. How many celebrities have you met? many many many - another thing I should sit down and sort out.
8. What celebrity was the most surprising to meet? surprising? Hmmm…David Bowie
9. What celebrity was the nicest? Lots of them have been very nice to me.
10. Not so nice? Daniel Ash (both times)
11. Do you have any celebrity's phone numbers? yes
12. Do you consider yourself a groupie? you say that like it's a bad thing
13. What is the farthest you've traveled for a concert? LA - NYC, Miami - San Francisco
14. What is your favorite venue? The Greek, & The Troubadour
15. What is your most prized possession from a concert? ONE of them? I'll give you two...The set list from a secret Queens of The Stone Age show at the Viper Room…And Icky for a while there.
16. Have you kept in touch with any celebrities since you've met them? uh huh (and again, "celebrity" in this case could be an exaggerated term, haha)
17. The most scandalous thing thats ever happened at a concert? I wouldn't know. I have never been scandalous at a concert
18. Lamest concert you've ever been to? ugh – I've seen dozens of lame shows.
19. Best concert you've ever been to? Radiohead @ The Greek
20. Best concert memory? Radiohead @ The Greek (I was up against the stage & have great photos!) Being the only Revolting Pussy onstage in Orlando. (ya'll prolly don't get that, do you?) 21. The most you've ever paid for a concert ticket? hmmm…'round 50 or 60 bucks I guess. I haven't really had to pay my way to a show in a long time.
22. The closest you've ever been to the stage? On it
23. Worst concert memory? hmmm…unfortunately there's been a few of those, too. Skinny Puppy @ the Cameo Theatre in Miami…I had a REALLY bad time after the show.
24. Have you ever met anyone at a concert who you are still friends with? sure
25. One concert that you would re-live over and over? Any Radiohead show.
26. Name one band or musical celebrity that you would love to meet or hang out with? Thom Yorke

how do i hate thee?

let me count the ways!
i know it's negative, but that's what you get from me. i have murder and rage in my soul, in astonishing quantities.
someone came into my life a few years ago - un invited and un welcomed - assimilated themselves into many aspects and relationships and has left a path of destruction in her wake.
i, by nature, am standoffish, freakishly private and not at all warm and friendly and open upon first meeting someone. i must evaluate you first, before i let you in. once you are in, your are in good and it take a lot to get out. over the past year and a half, i have had to let people go in my life and because it's so hard for me to let someone in, it breaks my heart everyday to think of those i have lost.
upon evaluation, if you do not pass, you are not allowed in. period. you don't get to know me. you are not part of my life, or inner circle. we are merely acquiantances.
this does not mean that you cannot be part of the lives of those around me - you are just not MY friends.
so this person - discovered on myspace - the bain of all existence and one of the horses of the apocalypse, and signs of the end of society as we know it - mark my words - in a matter of months was EVERYWHERE. she was at parties, gatherings, shows, my house, friend's houses - everywhere all the time. depserately trying to keep everyone's attention and be everyone's friend.
i am also territorial.
you cannot have the same kind of relationship that i have with someone else. your relationship will not be closer or better than mine is with one person or another.
she did not pass my tests. i have a discerning eye and i know crazy. i don't know how i know - i just know. and i called crazy on this one. i said - watch out - she's crazy - she's gonna do something fucked up. i didn't want her around - i didn't want her to know anything about me - i wanted to keep my distance with her.
but she perservered.
she hung around like the stench of a dying body. she bought things, she went out of her way to spend money in an attempt to buy friendship. it made me uncomfortable. and at the risk of insult, i refused her efforts, and of course, did offend. it was never the same after that. in an attempt to "play nice" i tried to spend quality time - i found myself exhausted by her personality. so i distanced myself and allowed my relationship with her to ebb and flow, while she sunk her hooks deeper and deeper in to those around me.
i watched.
and there were times that we were friendly. shopping, lunch, and maybe once or twice, she was the sounding board for one of my many breakdowns during the very difficult time of my life, when my 10 year relationship was ending, my father died, my mother was disgnosed with cancer and i had a horrible job. but those were only brief moments that she was allowed into my life.
as our communications became further and further apart and my relationship with the dude - her primary object of affection grew stronger and stronger. her resentment for me grew. her madness grew. she knows she could never have him, but much like most women of her ilk, from childhood she learned to manipulate people into relationships. as mentioned before, she would buy you with favors and presents, all in the name of friendship. all lies. anything that she does for anyone only serves her. she wants the special relationship. she wants something with you that no one else has. she wants that private friendship that she feels she can control and have all to herself. "you don't know him/her the way i know him/her - our friendship is different"
she's narcissistic.
and now finally - the other crazy shoe has dropped. while i have watched her drop a whole closet full of crazy shoes on me, around me, on those i care about and love - this is the last drop.
her crazed desperation to keep someone who won't be kept in her life has driven that person so far from her life - she has no idea the damage she has caused to herself.
and i am satisfied. because again - I WIN!
you horrible, miserable little troll! you will always be tortured by the life you can never lead. your madness will be your end. wallow in it! you deserve everything - you dysfunctional, twisted creature!
legally we are doing the right thing and playing by the rules. she is not. but we do the right thing and again, in the long run - we will win. we now have to go through the motions. we watch. we wait. we win.

fucking my space

i swear, it's going to be the death of our society!
so out of nowhere, maybe from the kings of leon profile, i don't know, this cute little red haired girl asks to be my friend. i told her it would be against my better judgement to add her, she said she meant no harm.
so i add her.
look at her fotos - there are 3, cute her, her ass, and a tattoo. GREAT, i think, i've been scammed by some hoochie mamma. so i figured i'd give it about a week. next thing i know, she's commenting all over my fotos: how cute, vavoom, you're hot and requesting and adding local friends/bands, etc.
i don't like someone all over my shit.
and with the trust issues that the dude and i face, the last thing i need is for some hot little red-haired chick to come bounding at me out of nowhere at a show.
(which leads me to an entirely different blog all together)

bored

: The BEGINNING:
0) Born to: my parents
1) Raised in: a home surrounded by alcoholics
2) Your full name: not to be found anywhere on myspace
3) Birth date: next year
4) Any siblings: yes
5) Oldest of them all: the other one
6) Hair color: dirty
7) Hair length: prefer long, I suppose
8) First school: long ago
9) Eye color: dark brown
10) Favorite color: I like colors
11) Mood: eh…not “bad”
12) College: not much
13) Height:: mostly short
14) Lefty/Righty: lefty
15) Do you remember your first "real" relationship: I do
16) Do you believe in a thing called love?: I do
17) Shortest relationship: um…the newest one is the shortest
18) Have you ever been heartbroken: I’m sure
19) Do you love someone right now: I do
20) Have you ever fallen for a friend: I have
21) Are you afraid of commitment?: no
22) Do you believe in love at first sight:? I do
THIS OR THAT:
1) Love or Money: love is more important, but money is nice
2) Coffee or alcohol: sure
3) One nightstands or relationships: relationship
4) Television or internet: neither
5) Pepsi or Coke: water or iced tea
6) Wild night out or romantic night in: okay!
7) Phone or in Person: depends on the person
HAVE YOU EVER:
1) Have you ever been caught sneaking out: once, and only after
2) Have you ever skinny dipped: I have
3) Have you ever been on a house boat? Not that I recall
4) Have you ever finished an entire jawbreaker: possibly
5) Have you ever colored your hair: I do
6) Have you ever been streaking? no
7) Are your parents still married: no.
DO YOU:
1) Do you get depressed about things easily?: I do.
2) Do you live life to the fullest?: probably not
3) Are you comfortable with the way you look? From some angles
4) How do you dress? Depends on where I am going
5) Are you scared of growing old alone? sometimes
6) What do you want to be when you grow up? scratch dj
7) Favorite season: never experienced “seasons” just fuck off hot then not as warm
Girls- pick the FIRST guy on your top friendsUnless their family than pick the next oneGuys - do the same, but the first girl
- DON'T CHANGE IT!- Enter their name- Be HONEST!- Repost this so your friends can do it too
What's His/Her namE?charlie
Does this person have a cell phone currently?yes
If you were crying will this person cheer you up?he’d probably try
Will this person repost this?no
Do you trust this person?with what?
Do you think you will know this person ten years from now?probably about as much as I do now
How much does this person know about u?some…
Have they ever called you hot?I wouldn’t know, I doubt it
Would you ever kiss them?no
Do you consider this person like your brother/sister?no.
When was the last time you talked to this person?emailed a couple of weeks ago, briefly
Does this person make you smile?sure
Do your parents like him/her ?I’ll never know
Who did this person last date?no clue
How often do you get to see them?not very
Does this person love you?no.
When is the next time you'll see him/her?dunno – maybe over the holidays
Girls repost this as "First Guy on Your Top"Guys repost this as "First Girl On Your Top
[ONE] Who were your latest 3 texts from?him
[TWO] Where was your default pic taken?miami
[THREE] What's your middle name?Spy
[FOUR] Are you alone right now?not really.
[FIVE] Does your crush like you back?well, yeah
[SIX] What is your current mood?not “bad”
[SEVEN] What's your mom's name?eloise
[EIGHT] What color shirt are you wearing?Black.
[NINE] Would you kiss the last person you kissed?yup
[TEN]If you could go back in time and change something would you?maybe
[ELEVEN]Have a crazy side?I do
[TWELVE]Ever had a near death experience?don’t think so – but I have done some stupid shit that could have or should have put my life at risk
[THIRTEEN]What is something you like to do a lot?fuck off at work
[FOURTEEN] Angry at anyone?not really
[FIFTEEN] Do you wanna see somebody right now?I do
[SIXTEEN] Do you like drama?no, although some might beg to differ
[SEVENTEEN] When was the last time you cried?it’s been a little while
[EIGHTEEN] Who would you do anything for?almost anything for him
[NINETEEN] Who is your hero?my mom
[TWENTY] What's the first thing u see in the opposite sex?height
[TWENTY-ONE] What's your biggest secret?if I told you it wouldn’t be a secret
[TWENTY-TWO] Where is your ex?prolyl at his mom’s
[TWENTY-THREE]Would you ever take him/her back?no
[TWENTY-FOUR]What are you eating or drinking at the moment?water
[TWENTY-FIVE] Do you speak any other language?no
[TWENTY-SIX] Whats your favorite smell?sautéing garlic
[TWENTY-SEVEN] Describe your life in three wordsgetting slightly better
[TWENTY-EIGHT] Have you ever kissed in the rain?yes
[TWENTY-NINE] Do you like the rain?love it
[THIRTY] What are you thinking about right now?the end of the day
[THIRTY-ONE] What should you be doing right now?work
[THIRTY-TWO]What is your favorite memory?hmmm…I have to put the memories of my mother at the top of my list
[THIRTY-THREE] ??
[THIRTY-FOUR] Who was the last person you told I love you?he did
[THIRTY-FIVE] Do you act differently around the person you like?I do
[THIRTY-SIX] What is your natural hair color?mouse-y
[THIRTY-SEVEN] Would u ever sleep with someone u were with even though you had a bf/gf?huh?

Do u like the smell of gasoline? Gas huffer!
Do u sleep in the nude? every once in a while. I get cold, and I hate the feeling of my legs touching.
Would u ever go to a nude beach? uh…no
Have u ever peed in the shower? be honest why?
Which is worse explosive shits or praying to the porcelain god? I’ve never had explosive shits, I’d imagine that’s pretty horrible
Are u a nose picker? Public? that’s what tissues are for
Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Have u had more than one such arrangement? not more than one at a time, no. and really, the benefits were better than the friendship. I always entered those with the hopes for something more - but I was always cool about it – never went psycho
Liquor or beer? Brand? vodka – the good stuff, like grey goose and champagne, dry, charles heidsick, please
Favorite sex position? one only please...they are all my favorite!
Most embarrassing moment of your life? I wouldn’t know where to start
As an adult have you ever shit your pants? no
Where are we going? where you wanna go?
Have you smelled your clothing to determine clean or dirty? Did u then wear it? sure
Strange place for sexual acts? bedroom
Have u ever ridden a motorcycle? on the back of one a few times
Have u ever hitchhiked? no
Last concert you went to? with who? fucking motley crue! I HAD to for work. God I hate that band!
Last movie you saw? midnight express
last person that called your phone? dunno
Have you ever been in the back of a police car? For what? yeah – looking for our friend jozie on Miami beach
Witnessed a bar fight? uh huh
Ever smacked a bitch? no
Ever pay for sex? erm…no
Ever lie to your mom/dad? sure
Favorite candy? mmm…candy
Favorite fast food? n/a?
Favorite muppet? animal
Favorite smurf? dead one
If u were one of the 7 dwarfs which would u b? grumpy, most likely
Have u ever had sexual relations with a midget? my first bf in 4th grade turned out to be a midget. We did NOT have sexual relations, we were in 4th grade for cryin out loud!
Last time you danced? chris’ bday party – apparently that wasn’t a good idea
Beetles or Elvis? anyone covering either
Think Mick Jaggar is hot? no
Do u secretly want to be Paris Hiltons new BFF? only if she paid me
Have u ever watched the pick up artist? No
Do u believe in magic? no
Do you believe in fate? not really
Are u afraid of dying? I am
Ever seen a ghost? no, dammit!
Ever had a threesome? no
Ever slept with a signifigantly older person? ten plus years? yes
How about younger? almost, not quite 10 years younger
What do u feel is your best feature? boobs, eyes, smile
Do u have a pet? I do
If you could trade places with anyone u know who would it be? um…I don’t think I would trade with anyone – I wouldn’t want to change where I am right now
Favorite Band? Radiohead
Have u ever wished someone to die on fire?? oh yes
Favorite condiment? ketchup
Pizza cold or hot? hot or refrigerator cold
What do u think a fribble is? couldn’t even imagine
Favorite made up word? there’s at least one a day…denise just said “dranken” as in: I’ve never dranken a V8 before.
Favorite Holiday? Halloween...
Who loves Kitty?I love my kitty!
favorite abreviation? WTF
Do u know a second language? No
Pepsi or Coke? water
Ever tried Tofu? uh huh
Are u a fan of the dry hump? Be honest it can be fun
Have u ever fainted? no
List 5 of the best days of your life?i n no particular order:
>Moving to LA
>Seeing/meeting radiohead in Atlanta
>First time I had sex with *him*
>Meeting eric (if I hadn’t met him, I wouldn’t be where I am now)
>I guess I’m waiting for the next one…
Have u ever been fired? I have
Name of a liquor u will never knowingly drink again? tequila
Zippo or Bic? matches
Are you a fan of big boobs? I like boobs
Chicken or pork?I like live animals
Did u sign the gay marriage petition? I did – several of them – to make it legal
Whats your sign? Aries
Do u believe in time travel? I wish
Who are u? your worst nightmare!
Love or Money? I love money

drukqs?

so let's talk drugs for a minute, shall we?

i've done them. lots of them. not all, but a good portion of them. i am not an addict, nor am i a junkie. i've never cheated or stolen for drugs. i probably lied at one point or another, only to protect the naive, like my mother, from ever know how "experienced" her baby girl was. is. whatever.
now, compared to what kids are doing these days, and even what they were doing 10 or 12 years ago - we were lightweights. candyflipping? maybe once, but i don't think i ever did - that was for blarry and maybe deanqueen every so often - we didn't do THAT much. just every weekend. and not nearly as much as kids do these days. i remember after i stopped using for years, coming across and reading about kids dosing 10-12 to even 20 hits of whatever they could get their grimey hands on, then candyflipping with even more doses, drinking on top of that - no wonder they were dropping dead at raves. no wonder parents were scared.
see, we were doing this way before the Rave Culture caught on, even before they started calling them "Club Kids" in NYC. we were before that, it's just that no one really noticed or paid much attention to the 6-10 of us running around high as kites in the clubs in miami & ft lauderdale to give us a name. the closest we came to that was being referred to as "the blackouts" at copa by all the gays that were afraid of us. the way we looked, they assumed we were on drugs, so why bother to confirm. we walked around saying to ourselves and to each other like a mantra: "nobody knows i'm high." meanwhile, "everybody thinks i'm high and i am" as thrill kill kult would whisper to us in our ears through remixes.
high meant to us...at least 1/4 or 1/2 a hit of acid. rainbow was the strongest, and becky was the dealer. she was a tall, masculine lesbian, who, legend has it kicked a woman in the stomach once. turns out the truth to that story was that she kicked someone's car once. she wore combat boots and was pretty scary looking. more on her later...anyway - she had the acid - she lived across the way from "mark&gregory" and dean. (you had to refer to them as "mark&gregory" in the same breath, they were almost always together, i never knew if there was anything between them, i'm sure there was at once point, but i think mark was too much of a drama queen for gregory in the long run) it was something like $20 bucks a hit - and we scrounged together that money with no job each week to buy at least 1 hit to split. the great thing about drugs like this, is people want you to experience with them, so a lot of the time, it was given to me/us by those in the group who worked and had the money. it was strong shit. i mean 1/4 hit and you felt good for the whole nite. you're eyes fluttered, you lost track of conversations; things didn't "melt" you didn't really see "trails" however, in a club with flashing lights and pulsing sounds, it would be hard to tell exactly what visual effect you were experiencing. oh, and you would dance! music sounded WONDERFUL and you wanted to dance to it. (but only the songs you liked)it was a small dancefloor, the dj booth was perched above with a window looking over it, so i wonder in hindsight what the dj thought when he saw our gimaced faces aimed upwards in auditory bliss, moving our bodies in ways that no one else on the dancefloor seemed to move. when the dj would play something we didn't like, our grimace changed to a sneer and we'd go out to the car to smoke.
we were the only ones who looked the way we did and the only ones that would all dance to pretty much the same songs at the same time.
some of us did more than others, but i don't think any of us did more than 2 whole hits of rainbow at a time. i'm telling you, the shit was strong. IF you went to sleep - you were WRECKED the next day. wiped out, lazy yet kinda wired. you couldn't eat or sleep really, just walked around like a zombie (which is ANOTHER blog all together) all pasty and pale, mark used to call it "bisque". makeup from the night before accensuating the dark circles under your eyes.
when we couldn't get the acid because becky was out, or even on alternating weeks, we'd buy MDA. now, let me explain MDA, not to be confused with MDMA, or ecstacy. MDA was/is different. helene, becky's girlfriend used to bring it back with her from canada. helene was french canadian, i hardly ever heard her speak. she would just stare with big, dark eyes - like some kind of racoon or something, smoking cigarettes. there is something in the chemical make-up of MDA, that to the best of my research, is less of a "love drug" like e, and more like a fuck drug. there was an edge to it. and it was strong as shit, too. at $15 bucks a hit, we'd split one and be rolling our balls off for 6 hours straight! there was no question whether it was good or not, or how long it might last. my chief complaint with e ..."am i feeling anything, am i high yet?" your eyes roll back in your head once and that's it?! for $30 bucks?!? get outta here! my comparison between the two was this: on e you looove everybody, touching and petting is nice. MDA - you wanna fuck anything that moves! your eyes roll back over and over again, you can't finish a sentence without a roll of euphoria, you work your jaw, grin a wicked grin from ear to ear all from 1/2 a hit! it came in a capsule, and was pure. not like powdered e you get now that is cut to shit with laxative and vitamin b or speed so you grind your teeth to a nub or chew holes in your cheeks. (as i'm known to do!)
like most users, we had our rituals. we'd all drop at a designated place on our way to fire & ice, in the garment district in miami. a place i never went to by day. only on weekend nites, usually saturday because fridays were dead for some reason. we'd drop as we passed the hotel. sometime smoking on the way, but definitely smoking before we went in to the club. we'd come stomping up all black and flowing - a mini-mob freakshow. the drugs would be just kicking in by that time, and i don't really remember ever having to wait in line. was there much of a line? come to think of it - we would get to the club before 11p, before they started charging cover. see, we used what money we had to dose, or maybe even to have a drink, which wasn't often because we were underage. some of the bartenders didn't check for the right stamp or whatever was needed to drink & we'd go to that bartender all the time - until we were found out - and that's another blog, too. so that was it - get there before 11, get stamped, walk in to an empty club - hang out for a short while, then go back out to smoke more - and really start "feeling it."

work

i'm gonna gripe about my job again. i just don't like what i'm doing. i KNOW how bad the economy is, i KNOW i'm lucky to have a job. i'm lucky that it so easy, i can pretty much do it in my sleep, i'm lucky the people i work with are nice enough, i'm lucky that they are patient with me throughout my family and health problems. but i look through linked in at all the people i know, and see how some have just blown up. i guess i should really just sit here and be happy that i can shop, surf, blog, read, do whatever i want for the greater part of the day and not really have to 'work' that hard. someone i know, or rather am 'linked to' is a department head of purchasing at netfix - i should have that job - but then i would probably be even more miserable - being in the middle of a corporate entity with constant reporting to higher ups and analysis being thrown at me from every direction. anther is a buyer/product manager for hustler - i TRIED to get a job with her - her boss was a flake & never called me back or followed through with the postition. then again, she never reached out to me again. i go so far out of my way to consider my friends who aren't working, try to hook them up with gigs as often as i can, think of them even for things that they might not even think of ... am i just not that good? did my decision to drop out of college have such a great impact on my career and livlihood? do the people i liked a lot, really not like me all that much?
after recieving a birthday present from me, a friend said that i was very thoughtful. i like to think of myself as so...i really put a lot of effort and thought into things like gifts. i try hard to look for something that person would like, something i would like them to have, something that makes me think of them - often times, friends don't do the same for me. gift certificates are nice, and i covet so much, it's not that hard to buy for me, but sometimes i feel a bit empty. i digress...
back to the work thing - i don't like what i'm doing. it's stupid and lame. i'm a rat on a sinking ship. we as employees don't reap the rewards of the image that the company holds. there seems to be no trickle down. i've said it before - i just wanna go answer phones. or work for whole foods or trader joe's - get a discount on food - something that i will not stop loving, like i seem to have stopped loving music. i always said, when i stopped loving music, hating everything that i heard, i'd quit. there was a time when i hated everything except the things i liked, but now, the past 6 or 7 releases that i used to like have all but SUCKED. so it's really TIME for me to get out - to let someone else do this job - someone who is still passionate about music, and can be interested in the releases/artist we work with. let's see what happens after the new year, what happens with my health, if there is a bonus. i do like the idea of having 2 weeks off for christmas - that's a first in my career. there really are a lot of +'s with this job. i should stop my bitching about it. it's hard. i'm used to not liking it - i should work on getting along with it.
enough, for now.