work

i'm gonna gripe about my job again. i just don't like what i'm doing. i KNOW how bad the economy is, i KNOW i'm lucky to have a job. i'm lucky that it so easy, i can pretty much do it in my sleep, i'm lucky the people i work with are nice enough, i'm lucky that they are patient with me throughout my family and health problems. but i look through linked in at all the people i know, and see how some have just blown up. i guess i should really just sit here and be happy that i can shop, surf, blog, read, do whatever i want for the greater part of the day and not really have to 'work' that hard. someone i know, or rather am 'linked to' is a department head of purchasing at netfix - i should have that job - but then i would probably be even more miserable - being in the middle of a corporate entity with constant reporting to higher ups and analysis being thrown at me from every direction. anther is a buyer/product manager for hustler - i TRIED to get a job with her - her boss was a flake & never called me back or followed through with the postition. then again, she never reached out to me again. i go so far out of my way to consider my friends who aren't working, try to hook them up with gigs as often as i can, think of them even for things that they might not even think of ... am i just not that good? did my decision to drop out of college have such a great impact on my career and livlihood? do the people i liked a lot, really not like me all that much?
after recieving a birthday present from me, a friend said that i was very thoughtful. i like to think of myself as so...i really put a lot of effort and thought into things like gifts. i try hard to look for something that person would like, something i would like them to have, something that makes me think of them - often times, friends don't do the same for me. gift certificates are nice, and i covet so much, it's not that hard to buy for me, but sometimes i feel a bit empty. i digress...
back to the work thing - i don't like what i'm doing. it's stupid and lame. i'm a rat on a sinking ship. we as employees don't reap the rewards of the image that the company holds. there seems to be no trickle down. i've said it before - i just wanna go answer phones. or work for whole foods or trader joe's - get a discount on food - something that i will not stop loving, like i seem to have stopped loving music. i always said, when i stopped loving music, hating everything that i heard, i'd quit. there was a time when i hated everything except the things i liked, but now, the past 6 or 7 releases that i used to like have all but SUCKED. so it's really TIME for me to get out - to let someone else do this job - someone who is still passionate about music, and can be interested in the releases/artist we work with. let's see what happens after the new year, what happens with my health, if there is a bonus. i do like the idea of having 2 weeks off for christmas - that's a first in my career. there really are a lot of +'s with this job. i should stop my bitching about it. it's hard. i'm used to not liking it - i should work on getting along with it.
enough, for now.