3.7 miles in 25 minutes!

are you fuckign serious with that shit?!? what the fuck goes on in this town?! how can it possibly take TWENTY FIVE MINUTES to drive 3.7 miles?! has an airplane landed on the freeway and blocked both directions with it's massive wingspan (Soap reference: anyone? hello? bueler?) are there dead bodies in the road? body parts hanging from trees? fer fuck's sake there had BETTER be! the only thing about this that didn't ruin my day is that i was not LATE for work on top of it all. i got in AT NINE.
fuck this town and the god damned traffic!

not much to report

it's 6. i should be leaving for the week - and i guess i am now. i was just popping on to waste some time. getting started on the weekend - it's a good thing!

un-inspired

bored and tired. i've nothing to report at all - bored to death (again) at work. struggling a little with protocol, not sure if going directly to an account to set up advertising will piss off the vendor, or if the vendor doesn't care. my gut tells me the vendor won't like it, but seems common practive, and 'do it anyway' from my "team" (ugh) so i feel forced to do something that is somewhat unscrupulous as far as business practices are concerned and could impact my business relationship with other outside of my immediate employment.

party disaster

so of course the party was a disaster. and not for the reasons you would think. the ex had nothing, well hardly anything to do with it. it was pretty much all me and my inability to behave responsibly in social situations. i had a mom moment earlier in the day and kept it inside. then another 2 mom moments at the party and walked away from people mid-sentence. i was too uncomfortable with people i had not seen in close to a year, people who knew me with the x, who don't know about me and the current, great guy, so i was really just crawling out of my skin the whole time. alcohol hit me too hard, i got loud and in people's face, thinking i was being funny - which apparently i was not. then the fucking crazy bitch cornered me, saying all kinds of CRAZY stuff in the middle of the party, me 3 drinks into it. completely inappropriate - and crazy psychotic behaviour - b/c she is crazy and psychotic. saying shit that just wasnt at all true. i didn't need that either. i wanted to be with Him the whole time. holding his hand, being introduced as his girlfriend. but i wasn't. i was just another person to meet at the party, then on my way. it was awful. He felt awful. He got angry with me. He told me about all the things He doesn't like about me. i don't know now if we are breaking up or what. he posted that he was SAD on myspace, the crazy bitch just sent me a text asking me if "anything happened" and if "he was ok" because she's been trying to reach him b/c his profile said he was "sad" and therefore she is "concerned"
SHE is a big problem with us. she is crazy - he knows it, i know it, everybody knows it, but he still entertains her. i called her crazy from day one and never let her close to me. she says i betrayed her and i'm turining him against her. i don't have the power to do so, or by all means i certainly would! the thing is - he doesn't call her on it. he tries to reason with her and talk her out of the crazy. he lets her go on and on.
he told me not to talk to her anymore. that he's not going to talk to her, unless she is being happy and pleasant (which isn't very often, b/c all she does is bring drama) i don't know if i believe him. i don't know if he says one thing to me, then pats her on the head and tells her that everything is ok.
i fwd'd him the text - thinking that i wanted him to know that she was bugging me. sharing what i have to deal with from her - but now i wish i hadn't. i should have just deleted it - not responded to her at all (which i still won't do) and never let him know that she contacted me. THAT'S control! THAT'S more like it! damn! i shoulda done that! THAT'S the kinda thing she would accuse me of doing, too. you want to see me play like that - watch! you want me to turn him against you - watch me do EVERYTHING in my power to do so. cunt!

summer hours part deaux

here it is....4.52p - not one fucking work related email to my inbox, that wasn't internal - meaning - from one employee to the whole fucking company - since 4.20p - and that was just to tell me that nothing was accomplished. really? you're paying me for this?!? i'm not good at making up shit to do. i'll just sit here and fuck off. my myspace friends are boring. no emails to gmail, except from psycho passive aggressive jennifer about tomorrow's party and cake. (but that's an entirely different blog)
i should go upstairs and bullshit in my boss' office - but we aren't really good at bullshitting. he's kinda shallow and kind of a freak. not much in common, really. he's going to the dude's costume birthday party tomorrow - which could be weird. but whatever. it's going to be weird anyway, with or without him.

this is so fucking stupid. even HE isn't sending any emails!

lame

Summer Hours

OK - so i finally work for the side of the business that actually gives time off for the holidays...week between xms & new year's - the day after thanksgiving, you know - the time that the FREE world recognizes as holiday time.
now, if i could just get the head of this company to "grok" summer hours. east coast business partners either leave at 3p on fridays or take the entire day off. in this economy, a lot of companies are offering their staff fridays off in exchange for at least one additional hour of work from monday thru friday. west coast business partners are doing the same, and in some cases, let staff leave between 2 adn 3, since their east coast counterparts are already gone.
part of the problem is the owner of this company is a freak of a work-a-holic. he takes his crackberrry to the bathroom with him! it's ri-god-damed-diculous! he was on vacation in hawaii for most of the past week and sent emails EVERYDAY! take a fucking break, dude. plus - he has a staff of people, mostly young who think it's ok to work 10-12 hour days, or older staff that have wives and family that apparently don't care if they are not home EVER and take care of everything for them, ie: cooking, cleaning, feeding pets, school meetings, etc. there was even one guy who MISSED his 5 year old twin girls' birthday party, because he had to stay in the office from 7.30a to who knows how late. (obviously passed the 5 year old's bedtime) SHAME!!! so most everyone is working 8+ hours a day, therefore there is no leverage to campaign for 1/2 fridays or god forbid the whole day off.
now, i have company in town from chicago. by 2p today - it's gonna be dead as a doornail for me. no calls, no emails, no RESPONSES to emails for sure. i'm going to be sitting here with my dick in my hands, counting down the minutes til i can leave at 6p.
fuck!
i'm just sayin'.

I gotta tell ya

i've been with this guy for a while now. the x doesn't know. it started out as an affair. he was a mutual friend of the x and i. we've managed to keep it secret from him for quite sometime now. he would like to remain friends with the x, but the x is really not that great of a friend - contrary to what the x's little mind thinks of himself. there are many things the x thinks about himself that are painfully misguided - but that's an entirely different blog all together! this guy is 6 different ways of awesome! not that the x didn't have his awesome moments from time to time, but the x never produced much of anything with his awesomeness. the ex is talented, but his no idea at all how to harness that talent to get what he wants. this guy does! i think i would be a good example of that. he wanted me. he got me, whether he expected to, really wanted to, or not. he got me and i held on. never EVER have i found myself so satisfied with a partner and lover. the x was a horrible lover. no stamina. infrequent as all hell - which is what really drove me into the arms of another. the feeling that i was sexy, attractive, and not frigid and broken, unable to be satisfied because of MY issues. this guy can go for hours. and then go for hours again. several times a day. everyday of the week if we wanted to. i think there has been one or two times that we have gone 5-7 days in a row! it's quite astonishing - at our age - to have such a sex drive. i hear it's normal for women at my age to be at their peak - but men? don't they peak at 20 or something like that? he's strong. he carries me through the house. he's confident. he's a man. the x was a boy. is a boy - a 44 year old boy.

oddly enough, their birthdays are