party disaster

so of course the party was a disaster. and not for the reasons you would think. the ex had nothing, well hardly anything to do with it. it was pretty much all me and my inability to behave responsibly in social situations. i had a mom moment earlier in the day and kept it inside. then another 2 mom moments at the party and walked away from people mid-sentence. i was too uncomfortable with people i had not seen in close to a year, people who knew me with the x, who don't know about me and the current, great guy, so i was really just crawling out of my skin the whole time. alcohol hit me too hard, i got loud and in people's face, thinking i was being funny - which apparently i was not. then the fucking crazy bitch cornered me, saying all kinds of CRAZY stuff in the middle of the party, me 3 drinks into it. completely inappropriate - and crazy psychotic behaviour - b/c she is crazy and psychotic. saying shit that just wasnt at all true. i didn't need that either. i wanted to be with Him the whole time. holding his hand, being introduced as his girlfriend. but i wasn't. i was just another person to meet at the party, then on my way. it was awful. He felt awful. He got angry with me. He told me about all the things He doesn't like about me. i don't know now if we are breaking up or what. he posted that he was SAD on myspace, the crazy bitch just sent me a text asking me if "anything happened" and if "he was ok" because she's been trying to reach him b/c his profile said he was "sad" and therefore she is "concerned"
SHE is a big problem with us. she is crazy - he knows it, i know it, everybody knows it, but he still entertains her. i called her crazy from day one and never let her close to me. she says i betrayed her and i'm turining him against her. i don't have the power to do so, or by all means i certainly would! the thing is - he doesn't call her on it. he tries to reason with her and talk her out of the crazy. he lets her go on and on.
he told me not to talk to her anymore. that he's not going to talk to her, unless she is being happy and pleasant (which isn't very often, b/c all she does is bring drama) i don't know if i believe him. i don't know if he says one thing to me, then pats her on the head and tells her that everything is ok.
i fwd'd him the text - thinking that i wanted him to know that she was bugging me. sharing what i have to deal with from her - but now i wish i hadn't. i should have just deleted it - not responded to her at all (which i still won't do) and never let him know that she contacted me. THAT'S control! THAT'S more like it! damn! i shoulda done that! THAT'S the kinda thing she would accuse me of doing, too. you want to see me play like that - watch! you want me to turn him against you - watch me do EVERYTHING in my power to do so. cunt!