death & taxes & the x (a long one)

as you may or may not know - the end of a 10 year relationship with the x (a narccissist) included me filing for personal bankruptcy. the BK dicharged in feb 09.
in 2006 when i changed jobs/careers, my bi-monthly payroll schedule did not jive with my financial commitments for rent and other living expenses. the x was not working (he rarely did) so the household finances were my responsibility. i had a 401k with my previous employer, so i withdrew that money, put enough aside to meet the hit i would take on taxes and floated us until the payroll from the new job came in.

the x, still never worked. 4 months in to the new job, the employer decides that i am not an good fit, and laid me off. this was december of 06. had i stayed with that job, i would have been making a fairly decent amount of money. i had just finished my christmas shopping, still had the tax money in the bank + a little more, and felt pretty good about everything, even considering the x wasn't working. so here it is, december, no work, and several weeks of fighting for unemployment...several weeks go by, christmas, new year's, still fighting for unemployment, the x still doing fucking nothing.
so, i had to use the money i had set aside to pay off the tax hit from the w/d of my 401k to live. that was february 2007. that's when i knew it had to end. i was done with him, and didn't know how to end it. i was scared, i was trapped, i did't have a job, no $$ and certainly nowhere to go. april 07 i start a shitty job, for very little money. suffice it to say, the x probably wasn't working. i had to go to my mom for money most of the time. i tell him again i want to break up, i can't do it anymore.
may 2007, a few days after my father's bday, my sister calls me at work to tell me my dad had died. my fatehr and i had been estranged for sometime, so it really didn't phase me, still hasn't really. but i went home from the shitty job anyway, took the rest of the day off. here's where the timeline gets a little fuzzy....i think within 2 weeks my mother tells us she has lung cancer. she says all this time they have been treating her for bronchitus and pneumonia - they finally diagnosed her with cancer. she says she will undergo chemotherapy, and avoids the "how long do you have" question/answer.
i file for an extention on the '06 taxes, because i know i'm going to owe - and i did, made payment arrangements & all. late november of 07, i secure a BK lawyer. i had gone to collections on all my credit cards, mostly in part due to the fact that i had to support a household on my income and food, power, and rent come before credit card bills. when you secure a BK lawyer, all collections stop - even collections like for me, my taxes and car payment, that i was making regularly. (with the help of my mom from time to time)
july 2008 my mom dies, and i use the very small amount of money she left me to pay off the BK lawyer and proceed with filing. it dischared in feb '09. i file an extention again for my '08 taxes and i think in march or april recieved a notice that now that my BK has discharged CA wants their money.
august of 09, the x's mom dies of cancer. she leaves him and his brother her house, which was paid in full, car, and from what i gather, a substanical amount of money between the 2 of them. granted, the brother got the house, b/c he is the responsible one and the x is allowed to live there, and only has to help out with the property taxes every year. the brother and his wife have accepted the fact that the x will never be able to take care of himself like an adult.
i got confused because i thought my 2007 tax return credit, covered my 2006 taxes owed. i also thought i had paid my 2006 taxes off, but could not find the cancelled check anywhere. i sent the information into the tax accountant - it was april - he was kinda busy (obviously). i didn't hear back, got a few more notices. when i finally got my taxes done, tax guy told me i had to pay it, so i did. check cleared, thank you drive thru please.
THEN - my employer recieves notification that CA tax board wants to garnish my wages!! i spent the better part of te morning trying to get thru to the franchise tax board, and much like my experiences with EDD - too many calls & they hang up on you! it's amazing. unemployment is something like 12% in CA, and they don't have anough people to answer phones or can't have a system that adequately puts calls in a line. long story shot (i know, too late) i have to pay the interest and late fee's on top of what i already paid. fuckers. whatever, they remove the garnish from my wages, i make arrangments to pay the balance in full, just to get it behind me.
so here's the rub.
for 10 years, i fucking supported this asshole. gave him all the time and support he needed to figure out what he wanted to do - with his music career and life - want to write music to make money - do it, great. paid bills, bought him gear, i just wanted him to pay his 1/2. he never, hardly ever did. my mom paid out thousands of dollars to help support us when he wouldn't go to his family, or if he did - they wouldn't help or insisted that he actually do work aroudn thewir house to get $$ from them. my mom never questioned - just helped as she could.
now that the x has money - goddammit - he should pay me back!! at least put forth a gentlemanly EFFORT! he fucking got the house that i took a loan out for my 401k to rent, the furniture that i paid more than 1/2 of, TV that was a gift from my mom, fridge, microwave (another gift from mom, washer and dryer that was mine!!! then when he moved out of that house and into his mother's - he took ALL of that stuff and put it in storage!!
isn't it only FAIR that he make an effort to give me something? i mean, i have spreadsheets the i used to budget our bills that show how little he gave me at any given time. i can calculate an approximate of what he owes me. shouldn't i be entitled to at least a portion of that?
i have to write him a letter (as he has done several times) or perhaps approach his brother and sister-in-law as mediators. i don't know. this is going to be tough. you can't negotiate with crazy.

that's my rant for today. sorry it was a long one...