me to him:
Now that some of the dust has settled - I was wondering if it wouldn't be
too much trouble to address some personal belongings of mine that you have
decided to keep as your own. I would like them back, (or at least the
opportunity to refuse) and I would also appreciate at least a gentlemanly
attempt for some reciprocation.washer + dryer
refrigerator
microwave (purchased with birthday money from my mother)
television (or cash equivalent for the exchange between you and sunny - $200 the TV was a christmas gift to me from my mother)
jack skelington cookie jar (taken out of my hands during my move - did
you lose or break yours? because it is not in with my hallowee'n items as you so
aggressively protested - i already had a cookie jar stolen in new orleans if you
recall, i would appreciate the return of mine, please)if you have come across it, the red wig from pirate wench costume (that's not with my stuff either)
lastly, any financial offer you would deem appropriate as a mere attempt to replace the 401k i withdrew after virgin that i used to to pay your half of everything while i was out of work. that was my retirement and tax money, it was not to be used to pay your 1/2 of rent, cable, DWP, gas from december 2006 through april of 2007. i don't expect this, i'm sure you think it was my obligation to spend whatever money i (or my mother) had to keep a roof over our heads, and i certainly am not trying to go back to every last dime spent (you vs. me and my mother) - but i put aside exactly $2000 from the 401k withdrawal so that i could pay the taxes on it the following year. i had to use that money when you had nothing to contribute on household living and have had to pay dearly for it in back taxes, interest and penalties.
reply as you see fit - do as you wish, as always.
--
and then, his diabtribe:
I wasn't even going to respond to this, as you have the tact and gentility of a
bulldozer (you should really work on that for your own benefit, especially when
you want something from someone), but here goes...
I'm currently in the middle of handling the estate of my Mom and the moneys and dealings of this are still up in the air. I will think about compensating you in some way, although, as I've just mentioned, your less than friendly letter to me here has already pissed me off, so, we'll see if I decide to give you anything. I could even be
petty and say that you got my best friend and caused me a ton of emotional and
mental anguish, as well as the work I did to build/create things for you (make
Halloween Costumes, build CD wall-units, etc.) in the ten+ years we went out,
but I won't. As far as I see it, we're kind of even, if nothing more than in a
"Universal"-kind of way.
I also need to remind you that, when you moved out, you never, ever stated that you wanted the Microwave, Washer and Dryer or refrigerator. You actually (if you remember) told me to keep them, as you didn't want to move or deal with them. I did, have been storing them in my house, then storage unit I've been paying for this past year (you had over a year to ask for them back and never did), and just sold them at a garage sale yesterday. I still have the dryer here if you're interested, but you'll have to arrange a time and method of picking it up. I still have your Jack cookie jar and came across it in my storage while clearing stuff out for the sale. I also came across the Jerry Lee Lewis framed poster of yours, as well as a few other things, which I will gladly give all back to you (as well as XXX's Bass Guitar and Vocal
Microphone). I would've done it sooner, but I have been dealing with the immense
task of taking care of (and interring) my mother, moving out of the Bassett
house and moving XXX (the mail order bride - ed) out and trying to get settled in this house. I do owe
you for the TV and will pay you for it as soon as I am able (I had XXXX buy the
Redhead Big Fig for you and she deducted it from what she owed us for the TV,
which I was unable to pay back to you). I honestly thought I did not have your
cookie jar in my posession. It was deep inside a box of other Halloween
decorations. There was no foul play here, as you strongly suspect, just a lot of
stuff that got lost in the shuffle. I do not know where the Redhead wig is, but
if I come across it, I'll get it back to you. I have no use for it.
I don't expect, nor do I care if you believe this or not, but I never thought you had
any "Obligation" to spend whatever money you spent on our bills. I assumed, as
many people do, when in a relationship built on love and support, that both are
"All for one", "in it together", and take care of each other, no matter what.
That's how I am with XXX (the mail order bride - ed) - we are there for each other no matter what and money is no object. If I have it, I pay, if she does, she does. Right now, I pay for everything and I am fine with that. When she gets settled, she will pay for things - we both will, at different times. Not that big a deal to us. It's our
money. it's all for the good of both of us, we both benefit. If I had to pay for
everything for the next five years, I'd be fine with that (and I would die
before I made her feel bad about it). To me, that's what love is. There is no
resentment caused by it. I was foolish to think you thought that way too, and
I'm sorry.
Oh, and in case you forgot (since you love to drive home the fact
about how much your Mom sacrificed for us) - my Mom let us live, rent-free - for
FIVE YEARS in her home and showered you with a ton of nice gifts. You're not the
only one.
Let me once again remind you, XXXX - you got what you wanted in
this. You got to get away from me and have your freedom. It's what You wanted.
Everything in life has sacrifices. Everything. You also got a number of my
longtime friends (some of which, I'm actually not sad to be rid of, as they
showed their true colors in all of this). I lost things in this, too. I lost my
girlfriend, whom I loved dearly, my life I had enjoyed with her, as well as a
lot of posessions we shared together, some of my friends...you always like to
act the hurt party, like it was always this terrible experience, like I was this
horrible drain to your life and never gave you any joy, whatsoever. I'm sure,
when you tell all of my ex-friends how horrible I was (I can only imagine), you
must always leave out how I made Christmas Stockings you loved, CD shelves you
filled, dressers I stained and distressed, costumes I created, masks I made,
gifts I bought you for no reason, etc.. I was destroyed by your leaving. I was
only because of a few, loyal and amazing friends - and my wonderful family -
that I managed to get on and once again find some happiness. So, next time you
want to throw your hand to your head and cry out "Oh, woe is me - XXX ruined my
life!", just think about that for a second.
This is the last I will discuss about this, as I am insanely busy trying to get settled into my new life. I will contact you when a time can be arranged for me to give you back your things (it will be over the next month, as I will have to find the stuff in
storage). Please do not start harassing me with countless, vicious e-mails. If
you do, you will never hear from me again and forgo every bit of your things.
7 paragraphs, including at least 1 threat - just to tell me, he'll think about it. this is what i dealt with for 10 years. no, he didn't ruin me, he didn't ruin my life. on the contrary - i am quite grateful and satisfied with what my life has become - and i ultimately have him to thank. i didn't live in his mother's house rent free. i paid her rent - not because she asked, but because it was the right thing to do. the only reason i lived there as long as i did (and it wasn't 5 years, it was only 3) was because i was waiting for him to get his shit together for us to move out. i moved out on my own in 2001 - and that was after he chansed me around a locked room trying to strangle me and i called 911. even at that, he practically lived with me the whole time. just assumed his residency into the apartment. i could go, point for point and try to contest and defend myself and correct him where i think he is wrong, but there is no point. there is no reasoning for a narcissist and citing his innaccuracies will only enrage him.
he carries so much anger with him. i promise you, the first fight he has with this poor girl if money is invlolved in anyway she will get all of the anger, hatred and resentment he has towards me over this. we didn't break up over money, we broke up over lack of support and god awful sex. i needed emotional and physical support - he did not provide it. i needed a compassionate, giving lover - he was not. i needed a bogger dick, or someone who knew how to use a small one. we just didn't work physically. at this point, it's about money and things. not much else. the tone of his response is very much like "if you had only stuck around, all of this could be yours" like i should be kicking myself or something. i am not, and i never will be. i am so much happier with my life, yes. he should be nothing but happy with his and willing to get the "things" out of the way. i hope they are happy together, i really do. i hope he is happy and able to support and she him for the rest of their lives. better him than me. we should not have been together as long as we were, i am ashamed to admit. but if he hadn't stayed together as long, i wouldn't be where i am now, and to the x, i am eternally grateful for that.
i opted out of any gentility, knowing full well that it would only encourage a greater dialogue with him, which i need to avoid at all possible costs, including never seeing any of my stuff again. and he obviously feels defensive for having sold some of my stuff over the weekend. sure dude, take the house, the cats, everything AND sell it to make a profit...awesome. with out even a moment of pause to contact me and ask me if i want anything back! and as far as the TV - he sold it to a friend, who then deducted the cost from an item he bought me for our anniversary. - so wait - i PAID for my anniversary present, too? that i left with him?!? wow.
so my response to him was simply something to the effect of: all plesantries aside, thank you for the quick response and i look forward to hearing from you soon.
the other funny thing is years ago, when his band broke up, he sent the singer of the band a certified letter, emploring and not far from DEMANDING that the lead singer pay him for lost wages. he felt that he was right and just to do so. the singer never even gave him the decency of a response, let alone offer to compensate him. i guess i am now also grateful for a response. i am not looking forward to the few other things he has found that are mine.
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