happy new year 2009

so here we are - another new year. it's 2009 and i find myself saying (again) THIS is going to be a good year. it's GOT to be better, right? so far so good. nothing too earth shattering to report yet. today is january 5th - i still have a job (barely) i've started looking a little harder for a new one. again, i need a job, not a career. i need a healthy boundary and balance between work and life - something i do not have right now, something that has become very important to me over the past 2 years of career changes, family deaths, relationship changes and financial woes. how to convince an employer that i am satisfied with the simplicity of a receptionist job because it is what i need - i am not interested in climbing a ladder or taking anyone else's job. please, just let me answer phones.
that's one goal for the year.
another is to get my cat(s) back. i think i have a limited amount of time. and i don't know how much time i have. you see, the cats are with the x, because my alpha male edgg'r pee'd on the dude's favortite chair when we tried to introduce him to the new living sitch and his cat last year, so we thought it best to try to bring my cat(s) - yes there are 2 - into a new home, neutral territory and all of that. my time is somewhat limited because the x will be moving into his mother's house once she passes away from terminal cancer. obviously not something anyone is looking forward to necessarily, but it will be a relief for the x, who can't seem to keep a job and has struggled his entire life to live and pay his own way. (but that's an entirely different blog all together.) the x will not only inherit his mother's house, fully paid off and scott free, he'll also inheriting her cat. he's not going to want to bring his lame ass dog and then have three cats. and i don't want him to either quite frankly. i want my cats with me. so far, two goals.
well, three...which has to happen before i get the cats...dude and i need to move into a bigger and better place. we just started looking again. there is a lot out there for rent. we face a few challenges there: first of all, my bankruptcy. second of all, his work history and current lack of employment, which he says is an easy work around, but also - his credit rating has gone to shit over the past year, and that is something that needs to be in a better place before we can do anything.
and i'm scared to use what little money i have to move us in. is that bad? it is - b/c that is using fears that were instilled by the x's bad behaviour. i should be secure and content in the fact that he will take care of me and not worry about money, right? then again, i don't think he would be happy to know i spent the little money i had on moving - even if he did promise to pay me back, right?
he's going to pay me back the $3k the i gave to him to pay off that cunt. what scares me is that since i lent him that money, i have spent close to $1k on living and xms gifts (ok, one $400 gift for myself, i am almost ashamed to say - BUT they are GORWGUSS and 40% off!!!) and i promise, and you are my witness - to pay myself back the $1k, starting with my next paycheck. now that xms is over, i can put money back in. if my calc are correct, i might be able to put $300 back in on the 15th of this month.
oh - but then again there's k-d'oh's bday in feb! shit!! i have to buy my plane ticket! crap! good thing is flights are pretty cheap....