here it is - friday nite -home alone. dude is on a playdate (no girls allowed i guess - i didn't askm he didn't invite me) and i don't have anyone to hang out with or talk to. i don't understand. i have been trying for years to find someone to be my friend. i used to be accused of being standoffish. back then i had plenty of reason to be. it's not that i don't trust people or don't want to let them in to my life and my world - as protective and freakishly private as i am - but i'm not an open book either. you get to know what you get to know about me and i judge you by how you handle that information. i suppose i'm somewhat guarded - only as guarded as you are. i am the correct sadist - i become exactly what you need me to be, therefore - am I the standoffish one?
it's getting to the point that i feel so desperate for friendship that i am afraid to reach out to someone because i think they will be creeped out by me. one person, has kids - her time is limited. another is a drunk and miserable - so i can only take so much of that. another only contacts me when she needs me - it looks like she is getting a divorce, so you'd think she needs me - at least that's what she told me a few months ago - instead she got meds - so she's jacked up and doesn't really need me. another, i thought i was close with - she was there for me when i was dealing with the x and the deaths...then we kinda separated - her husband came back from a long job overseas things got a little weird with the x, i got weird, they got weird and months a year went by. i felt awful. i felt guilty. i felt like i couldn't be honest with her - so i stayed away. then we got back together - and everything was ok - we were all going to pick up where we left off - no weirdness - everything was s'posed to be cool. it wasn't. it's not. her sister had a baby, her son is becoming a teenager, we tried hanging out a couple/few times and it just seems like they will only hang out if it's convenient for them. never ask me to do anything, never invite us along...no lunch plans, no movie nites, no shopping sprees, not even a returned phone call, so whatever with her. the other only does things as a couple or during the day on the weekend when her husband is doing something else - never anything during the week. another is just a lot to deal with and i've seen her twice this week - that's enough...and those are the girls. guys are guys, most married w children, or are business associates, so there is little more in common than work related activities. the drunk has a friend that i've tried to be friends with. she's single now, very pretty, very successful and very talented...but how do i go about getting close to her without being a weirdo? i can't use the drunk as the go-between because she is miserable and having self esteem issues and won't go out. i mean MAYBE she will, but it's like pulling teeth and as much as i like her (the drunk) and i'm trying to help her out in many ways - there are just some things that she will not do. maybe we've gone out before, but the friend and the drunk are besties and i feel left out.
i also used to be called a social butterfly - as a fault. not so much anymore, obviously.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
trying to write each day isn't so easy. since no one really knows i have this blog i have to be discreet about writing. don't want the dude to wonder what i'm doing and have him think that i'm hiding something from him, y'know? i am hiding this blog, all things considered - but mainly because i have no confidence in my writing. i also don't necessarily like the arrogance that goes along with writing with the assumption that what i have is a) worthy of reading or b) quality. no punctuation. this is no exercise in writing skills, which perhaps it should be - then maybe i wouldn't feel so guilty or like i'm being so self indulgent.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
a few of my favorite things
today - i hauled my happy ass over the hill to meet the grilled cheese truck (www.thegrilledcheesetruck.com) at The Frosted Cupcakery and thuroughly enjoyed my american and gruyere cheese sammich on whole wheat bread and got 2 cupcakes: apple cinnamon and chocolate with vanilla frosting. it started raining as i waited in line for my grilled cheese, but it wasn't that bad. i hustled back to my car and enjoyed to gooey meltedness before driving off to amoeba. while at amoeba, i did some digging and found a 12" that i have been trying to find for over TWENTY YEARS!! (more on that later) it was only $2.99!! which doesn't quite balance out the $65 i spent on Fabriclive CDs, but it's the little victories, i guess.
Monday, January 25, 2010
again
so this time - i'm going to try - just like brushing my teeth everyday - to post. something. i don't expect to make anyone's life better - only to share and perhaps expunge some of the shit i've been holding on to that may be keeping me from seeing, feeling and/or being what i need to be. is there anything wrong w posting twice a day?
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Blogrolls
Why are they all baby blogs? and if they aren't all baby blogs, then they are wedding blogs. what the f? where are all the cool, subversive, snarky, entertaining blogs? i've found a couple by accident - but they don't come up with i start scrolling from here. kinda lame. kinda bugging me.
LONGEST.WEEK.EVER
i've been laid off! and just in time for the holidays! "downsizing, reorganization, and strata changes in the industry are the reason given. but we know better don't we? i'm the only grown up in the room that hasn't high-5'd the asshole for banging the accounting chick. plus i know my rights when it comes to salary and doctor appts. they don't like that. they are going to pay me thru 12/31 - fine and my health insurance thru 1/31 - also fine. i'm just really glad to be going. relieved beyond all belief. i can't wait to find something else - anything else - even if it's just working part time. last day is this friday.
Monday, November 23, 2009
PTO/Vacay + Dr appts
so the shithead i work for tried to dock me a 1/2 day's work of vacation time for 3 dr appts i had taken over the past 8 months - tried to tell me i had no PTO left and that any future appts would result in a payroll deduction.
oh really?
at first i was so shocked that he even had the nerve to send me an email stating such outragousness. i mean - this is the OWNER of the company. he copied the new GM and my "boss" in minneapolis. didn't copy the head of HR (who he's fucking)
so i thought about it over the weekend and decided to check with the HR person, who is fucking the owner - and see just how many days are recorded as PTO for me. she shoots back instantly: 10.5 days; 1.5 over your allowance.
really?
i must have lost 1.5 days, i say - can you tell me what days you have? about an hour goes by and she sends me a breakdown. 3 of the days we doctor's appointments and she has recorded: 1/2 day.
i'm being docked a 1/2 days' vacation for doctor's appointments? i ask. even on days when the appt was @ 9.30a, i was most likely in the office by 11a and certainly worked through lunch. what about the days when i only left 2 or 3 hours early? (and worked thru lunch)
"i cannot make any changes please work this out with GM and your boss" and cc'd the GM and boss.
well, 1st of all - i didn't ask her to make any changes. if i asked her to do anything it was to clarify a certain part of company policy that is obviously somewhat unclear. the part that says : dr. appt = 1/2 day vacation.
so i thank her for her uselessness and request that the GM and boss address this issue.
i talk to the boss the next morning - and he's telling me the song & dance about how no one knew i was gone, no one knows if i work thru lunch and all this bullshit.
really?
so you are telling me that you are going to dock a salaried exempt employee - a DIRECTOR - for going to the doctor? not only do i think that is shitty, but i am not all together sure that it is legal. i mean hey - it's HIS game, his bat & ball, he can play it how he wants - but i'm calling it shitty. i was not out 1/2 days.
his solution - and he offers it as if he and the GM debated it and came up with this brilliant idea - was to offer me 1.5 days from HIS vacation time.
while i appreciate the sacrifice and admire such an offer - it's not neccesarry and it's bullshit. again, i am a salaried employee - in all my years working - i have NEVER been penalized PTO for dr. appts. this is unheard of. i am not a 20 year old kid scamming out of work (ok, sometimes i am) but come on! i schedule my appts as late or as early in the day as possible - so as not to interfere with our "busy schedule" (which is bullshit) and by the way, constanting reitterating to me that you think you are more than understanding about my dr appt's is not being understanding - it's telling me - hey - you have a lot of dr appts. furthermore THREE appt's in 8 months is NOT a lot.
so bossman tells me to send him and GM an email, mapping out the time off, including scheduled vacation, when i worked from home sick days, dr. appts, work thru lunch, etc. so i do.
he comes back at me about vacation days in which i either worked from home for a portion of the day or checked in. saying vacation days are vacation days, whether you were available or not.
oh really? ok then - i will treat those days as such going forward. (motherfucker)
this was tuesday.
wednesday i get up early because, as requested, i come in a full hour early every wednesday to get reports out to our clients.
wait a minute.
i've been coming in an hour early for over 6 weeks now and you're docking me vacation time. oh heheHELL no. i send the boss an IM telling him so. he said to send in email. so i did, thuroughly. to the point that by 12/16, i will have made up for ANY missed time, and by the end of the year, have 2.5 hours that THEY owe ME!
all the while i am looking into the CA labor laws and becoming quite well versed on what is permissible for salaried/exempt employees. i am a salaried/exempt employee because of my experience and professionalism - and i essentially can make my own hours. if i feel that i can do my job in 4 days - they still need to pay me my full salary. so if i can do my job AND leave early for the dr - YOU STILL HAVE TO PAY ME! the employer can only reduce my salary by a 1/5 if i missed 4 or more hours and it must be PRE- DISPOSED and must be written as such, as bona fide policy in the employee handbook.
ultimately, they acquiessed. i do not OWE any time, and i do not have any PTO left (which jives w my records) fine. i win.
but i'm still thinking of filing a claim with the state for harassment. this was undue stress, absolutely uncalled for and again, not quite legal.
this place is a joke.
it irritates me to no end when someone thinks they can get away with something. push ME around will ya! i'm not a fucking kid trying to make it in this business. i'm not afraid of you and you can't fuck with me!
oh really?
at first i was so shocked that he even had the nerve to send me an email stating such outragousness. i mean - this is the OWNER of the company. he copied the new GM and my "boss" in minneapolis. didn't copy the head of HR (who he's fucking)
so i thought about it over the weekend and decided to check with the HR person, who is fucking the owner - and see just how many days are recorded as PTO for me. she shoots back instantly: 10.5 days; 1.5 over your allowance.
really?
i must have lost 1.5 days, i say - can you tell me what days you have? about an hour goes by and she sends me a breakdown. 3 of the days we doctor's appointments and she has recorded: 1/2 day.
i'm being docked a 1/2 days' vacation for doctor's appointments? i ask. even on days when the appt was @ 9.30a, i was most likely in the office by 11a and certainly worked through lunch. what about the days when i only left 2 or 3 hours early? (and worked thru lunch)
"i cannot make any changes please work this out with GM and your boss" and cc'd the GM and boss.
well, 1st of all - i didn't ask her to make any changes. if i asked her to do anything it was to clarify a certain part of company policy that is obviously somewhat unclear. the part that says : dr. appt = 1/2 day vacation.
so i thank her for her uselessness and request that the GM and boss address this issue.
i talk to the boss the next morning - and he's telling me the song & dance about how no one knew i was gone, no one knows if i work thru lunch and all this bullshit.
really?
so you are telling me that you are going to dock a salaried exempt employee - a DIRECTOR - for going to the doctor? not only do i think that is shitty, but i am not all together sure that it is legal. i mean hey - it's HIS game, his bat & ball, he can play it how he wants - but i'm calling it shitty. i was not out 1/2 days.
his solution - and he offers it as if he and the GM debated it and came up with this brilliant idea - was to offer me 1.5 days from HIS vacation time.
while i appreciate the sacrifice and admire such an offer - it's not neccesarry and it's bullshit. again, i am a salaried employee - in all my years working - i have NEVER been penalized PTO for dr. appts. this is unheard of. i am not a 20 year old kid scamming out of work (ok, sometimes i am) but come on! i schedule my appts as late or as early in the day as possible - so as not to interfere with our "busy schedule" (which is bullshit) and by the way, constanting reitterating to me that you think you are more than understanding about my dr appt's is not being understanding - it's telling me - hey - you have a lot of dr appts. furthermore THREE appt's in 8 months is NOT a lot.
so bossman tells me to send him and GM an email, mapping out the time off, including scheduled vacation, when i worked from home sick days, dr. appts, work thru lunch, etc. so i do.
he comes back at me about vacation days in which i either worked from home for a portion of the day or checked in. saying vacation days are vacation days, whether you were available or not.
oh really? ok then - i will treat those days as such going forward. (motherfucker)
this was tuesday.
wednesday i get up early because, as requested, i come in a full hour early every wednesday to get reports out to our clients.
wait a minute.
i've been coming in an hour early for over 6 weeks now and you're docking me vacation time. oh heheHELL no. i send the boss an IM telling him so. he said to send in email. so i did, thuroughly. to the point that by 12/16, i will have made up for ANY missed time, and by the end of the year, have 2.5 hours that THEY owe ME!
all the while i am looking into the CA labor laws and becoming quite well versed on what is permissible for salaried/exempt employees. i am a salaried/exempt employee because of my experience and professionalism - and i essentially can make my own hours. if i feel that i can do my job in 4 days - they still need to pay me my full salary. so if i can do my job AND leave early for the dr - YOU STILL HAVE TO PAY ME! the employer can only reduce my salary by a 1/5 if i missed 4 or more hours and it must be PRE- DISPOSED and must be written as such, as bona fide policy in the employee handbook.
ultimately, they acquiessed. i do not OWE any time, and i do not have any PTO left (which jives w my records) fine. i win.
but i'm still thinking of filing a claim with the state for harassment. this was undue stress, absolutely uncalled for and again, not quite legal.
this place is a joke.
it irritates me to no end when someone thinks they can get away with something. push ME around will ya! i'm not a fucking kid trying to make it in this business. i'm not afraid of you and you can't fuck with me!
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