so here we are - the day before hallowe'en...All Hallow's Eve. my favorite time of year! i should be super excited and in a great mood, but i'm not. i'm kinda bummed out and mopey. the only reason i can think of is work. (the whole 'i hate my job, this sucks, etc. etc.)
the good thing is that the work day is almost over. no plans for this evening - hopefully carve a few more pumpkins. the one we carved on sunday died already cuz it's been stupid hot here! (i cold live in FL for this heat! what the f?)
i'm sure i'll shake it off when i get out of here.
last week was the costume party - which really didn't turn out too many exciting costumes - tomorrow will be the traditional visit to the friend's house after handing out candy at ours. the block off the streets and have tons and tons of trick or treaters which is great.
dude said i might get a hallowe'en prezzie. that's always something nice to look forward to! that reminds me - i should go order the xms gift he sent me as an idea.
have a wonderfully frightening time this weekend! scare as many small children as you can! it's good for them!
Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
new prospects
i submitted my resume to 2 jobs today at a company i really want to work for. i interviewed with them before, about 2.5 or 3 years ago and they either decided to hire internally or not to fill the position at all (i'm sure i still have the email - i should look into that)
i'm getting more stuff from my previous task list handed back to me and then some. which is a drag. it's not hard work - none of it is - i just don't want to do it. don't care to get any more engaged in this company than i already am!
NAMI is slow to go. i've entered some emailed to their site for newsletters, have some calls to make to confirm addy's + emails and go over. tomorrow i'm going to be discussing some program that they want to use to manage a database. i'm keen on that, moreso than anything else, i think. they all were looking at me like i was fresh meat at the meeting i went to last week. everyone involved in this group is so old! the treasurer is 70. they all have family and/or loved ones that are inflicted with some kind of severe mental illness, so they are also very impressed with the fact that i am not otherwise compromised by an emotional attachment. i really hope this opens the doors for other non-profit work for me. i'd realyl like to get into a real non-profit job, not just volunteer stuff. getting in at this point - when it's not fundraising season or "walk" season is good, too.
i'm getting more stuff from my previous task list handed back to me and then some. which is a drag. it's not hard work - none of it is - i just don't want to do it. don't care to get any more engaged in this company than i already am!
NAMI is slow to go. i've entered some emailed to their site for newsletters, have some calls to make to confirm addy's + emails and go over. tomorrow i'm going to be discussing some program that they want to use to manage a database. i'm keen on that, moreso than anything else, i think. they all were looking at me like i was fresh meat at the meeting i went to last week. everyone involved in this group is so old! the treasurer is 70. they all have family and/or loved ones that are inflicted with some kind of severe mental illness, so they are also very impressed with the fact that i am not otherwise compromised by an emotional attachment. i really hope this opens the doors for other non-profit work for me. i'd realyl like to get into a real non-profit job, not just volunteer stuff. getting in at this point - when it's not fundraising season or "walk" season is good, too.
Monday, October 26, 2009
the narcissist revisted.
so, i asked the x for some of my property back, mind you, he "decided" i could not have my cats. my last communication to him wsa "now i hate you" i was as direct, even moreso, that i could ever be with him...here's how it went down (names have been XXXed out to protect the identity of the innocent)
me to him:
--
and then, his diabtribe:
7 paragraphs, including at least 1 threat - just to tell me, he'll think about it. this is what i dealt with for 10 years. no, he didn't ruin me, he didn't ruin my life. on the contrary - i am quite grateful and satisfied with what my life has become - and i ultimately have him to thank. i didn't live in his mother's house rent free. i paid her rent - not because she asked, but because it was the right thing to do. the only reason i lived there as long as i did (and it wasn't 5 years, it was only 3) was because i was waiting for him to get his shit together for us to move out. i moved out on my own in 2001 - and that was after he chansed me around a locked room trying to strangle me and i called 911. even at that, he practically lived with me the whole time. just assumed his residency into the apartment. i could go, point for point and try to contest and defend myself and correct him where i think he is wrong, but there is no point. there is no reasoning for a narcissist and citing his innaccuracies will only enrage him.
he carries so much anger with him. i promise you, the first fight he has with this poor girl if money is invlolved in anyway she will get all of the anger, hatred and resentment he has towards me over this. we didn't break up over money, we broke up over lack of support and god awful sex. i needed emotional and physical support - he did not provide it. i needed a compassionate, giving lover - he was not. i needed a bogger dick, or someone who knew how to use a small one. we just didn't work physically. at this point, it's about money and things. not much else. the tone of his response is very much like "if you had only stuck around, all of this could be yours" like i should be kicking myself or something. i am not, and i never will be. i am so much happier with my life, yes. he should be nothing but happy with his and willing to get the "things" out of the way. i hope they are happy together, i really do. i hope he is happy and able to support and she him for the rest of their lives. better him than me. we should not have been together as long as we were, i am ashamed to admit. but if he hadn't stayed together as long, i wouldn't be where i am now, and to the x, i am eternally grateful for that.
i opted out of any gentility, knowing full well that it would only encourage a greater dialogue with him, which i need to avoid at all possible costs, including never seeing any of my stuff again. and he obviously feels defensive for having sold some of my stuff over the weekend. sure dude, take the house, the cats, everything AND sell it to make a profit...awesome. with out even a moment of pause to contact me and ask me if i want anything back! and as far as the TV - he sold it to a friend, who then deducted the cost from an item he bought me for our anniversary. - so wait - i PAID for my anniversary present, too? that i left with him?!? wow.
so my response to him was simply something to the effect of: all plesantries aside, thank you for the quick response and i look forward to hearing from you soon.
the other funny thing is years ago, when his band broke up, he sent the singer of the band a certified letter, emploring and not far from DEMANDING that the lead singer pay him for lost wages. he felt that he was right and just to do so. the singer never even gave him the decency of a response, let alone offer to compensate him. i guess i am now also grateful for a response. i am not looking forward to the few other things he has found that are mine.
me to him:
Now that some of the dust has settled - I was wondering if it wouldn't be
too much trouble to address some personal belongings of mine that you have
decided to keep as your own. I would like them back, (or at least the
opportunity to refuse) and I would also appreciate at least a gentlemanly
attempt for some reciprocation.washer + dryer
refrigerator
microwave (purchased with birthday money from my mother)
television (or cash equivalent for the exchange between you and sunny - $200 the TV was a christmas gift to me from my mother)
jack skelington cookie jar (taken out of my hands during my move - did
you lose or break yours? because it is not in with my hallowee'n items as you so
aggressively protested - i already had a cookie jar stolen in new orleans if you
recall, i would appreciate the return of mine, please)if you have come across it, the red wig from pirate wench costume (that's not with my stuff either)
lastly, any financial offer you would deem appropriate as a mere attempt to replace the 401k i withdrew after virgin that i used to to pay your half of everything while i was out of work. that was my retirement and tax money, it was not to be used to pay your 1/2 of rent, cable, DWP, gas from december 2006 through april of 2007. i don't expect this, i'm sure you think it was my obligation to spend whatever money i (or my mother) had to keep a roof over our heads, and i certainly am not trying to go back to every last dime spent (you vs. me and my mother) - but i put aside exactly $2000 from the 401k withdrawal so that i could pay the taxes on it the following year. i had to use that money when you had nothing to contribute on household living and have had to pay dearly for it in back taxes, interest and penalties.
reply as you see fit - do as you wish, as always.
--
and then, his diabtribe:
I wasn't even going to respond to this, as you have the tact and gentility of a
bulldozer (you should really work on that for your own benefit, especially when
you want something from someone), but here goes...
I'm currently in the middle of handling the estate of my Mom and the moneys and dealings of this are still up in the air. I will think about compensating you in some way, although, as I've just mentioned, your less than friendly letter to me here has already pissed me off, so, we'll see if I decide to give you anything. I could even be
petty and say that you got my best friend and caused me a ton of emotional and
mental anguish, as well as the work I did to build/create things for you (make
Halloween Costumes, build CD wall-units, etc.) in the ten+ years we went out,
but I won't. As far as I see it, we're kind of even, if nothing more than in a
"Universal"-kind of way.
I also need to remind you that, when you moved out, you never, ever stated that you wanted the Microwave, Washer and Dryer or refrigerator. You actually (if you remember) told me to keep them, as you didn't want to move or deal with them. I did, have been storing them in my house, then storage unit I've been paying for this past year (you had over a year to ask for them back and never did), and just sold them at a garage sale yesterday. I still have the dryer here if you're interested, but you'll have to arrange a time and method of picking it up. I still have your Jack cookie jar and came across it in my storage while clearing stuff out for the sale. I also came across the Jerry Lee Lewis framed poster of yours, as well as a few other things, which I will gladly give all back to you (as well as XXX's Bass Guitar and Vocal
Microphone). I would've done it sooner, but I have been dealing with the immense
task of taking care of (and interring) my mother, moving out of the Bassett
house and moving XXX (the mail order bride - ed) out and trying to get settled in this house. I do owe
you for the TV and will pay you for it as soon as I am able (I had XXXX buy the
Redhead Big Fig for you and she deducted it from what she owed us for the TV,
which I was unable to pay back to you). I honestly thought I did not have your
cookie jar in my posession. It was deep inside a box of other Halloween
decorations. There was no foul play here, as you strongly suspect, just a lot of
stuff that got lost in the shuffle. I do not know where the Redhead wig is, but
if I come across it, I'll get it back to you. I have no use for it.
I don't expect, nor do I care if you believe this or not, but I never thought you had
any "Obligation" to spend whatever money you spent on our bills. I assumed, as
many people do, when in a relationship built on love and support, that both are
"All for one", "in it together", and take care of each other, no matter what.
That's how I am with XXX (the mail order bride - ed) - we are there for each other no matter what and money is no object. If I have it, I pay, if she does, she does. Right now, I pay for everything and I am fine with that. When she gets settled, she will pay for things - we both will, at different times. Not that big a deal to us. It's our
money. it's all for the good of both of us, we both benefit. If I had to pay for
everything for the next five years, I'd be fine with that (and I would die
before I made her feel bad about it). To me, that's what love is. There is no
resentment caused by it. I was foolish to think you thought that way too, and
I'm sorry.
Oh, and in case you forgot (since you love to drive home the fact
about how much your Mom sacrificed for us) - my Mom let us live, rent-free - for
FIVE YEARS in her home and showered you with a ton of nice gifts. You're not the
only one.
Let me once again remind you, XXXX - you got what you wanted in
this. You got to get away from me and have your freedom. It's what You wanted.
Everything in life has sacrifices. Everything. You also got a number of my
longtime friends (some of which, I'm actually not sad to be rid of, as they
showed their true colors in all of this). I lost things in this, too. I lost my
girlfriend, whom I loved dearly, my life I had enjoyed with her, as well as a
lot of posessions we shared together, some of my friends...you always like to
act the hurt party, like it was always this terrible experience, like I was this
horrible drain to your life and never gave you any joy, whatsoever. I'm sure,
when you tell all of my ex-friends how horrible I was (I can only imagine), you
must always leave out how I made Christmas Stockings you loved, CD shelves you
filled, dressers I stained and distressed, costumes I created, masks I made,
gifts I bought you for no reason, etc.. I was destroyed by your leaving. I was
only because of a few, loyal and amazing friends - and my wonderful family -
that I managed to get on and once again find some happiness. So, next time you
want to throw your hand to your head and cry out "Oh, woe is me - XXX ruined my
life!", just think about that for a second.
This is the last I will discuss about this, as I am insanely busy trying to get settled into my new life. I will contact you when a time can be arranged for me to give you back your things (it will be over the next month, as I will have to find the stuff in
storage). Please do not start harassing me with countless, vicious e-mails. If
you do, you will never hear from me again and forgo every bit of your things.
7 paragraphs, including at least 1 threat - just to tell me, he'll think about it. this is what i dealt with for 10 years. no, he didn't ruin me, he didn't ruin my life. on the contrary - i am quite grateful and satisfied with what my life has become - and i ultimately have him to thank. i didn't live in his mother's house rent free. i paid her rent - not because she asked, but because it was the right thing to do. the only reason i lived there as long as i did (and it wasn't 5 years, it was only 3) was because i was waiting for him to get his shit together for us to move out. i moved out on my own in 2001 - and that was after he chansed me around a locked room trying to strangle me and i called 911. even at that, he practically lived with me the whole time. just assumed his residency into the apartment. i could go, point for point and try to contest and defend myself and correct him where i think he is wrong, but there is no point. there is no reasoning for a narcissist and citing his innaccuracies will only enrage him.
he carries so much anger with him. i promise you, the first fight he has with this poor girl if money is invlolved in anyway she will get all of the anger, hatred and resentment he has towards me over this. we didn't break up over money, we broke up over lack of support and god awful sex. i needed emotional and physical support - he did not provide it. i needed a compassionate, giving lover - he was not. i needed a bogger dick, or someone who knew how to use a small one. we just didn't work physically. at this point, it's about money and things. not much else. the tone of his response is very much like "if you had only stuck around, all of this could be yours" like i should be kicking myself or something. i am not, and i never will be. i am so much happier with my life, yes. he should be nothing but happy with his and willing to get the "things" out of the way. i hope they are happy together, i really do. i hope he is happy and able to support and she him for the rest of their lives. better him than me. we should not have been together as long as we were, i am ashamed to admit. but if he hadn't stayed together as long, i wouldn't be where i am now, and to the x, i am eternally grateful for that.
i opted out of any gentility, knowing full well that it would only encourage a greater dialogue with him, which i need to avoid at all possible costs, including never seeing any of my stuff again. and he obviously feels defensive for having sold some of my stuff over the weekend. sure dude, take the house, the cats, everything AND sell it to make a profit...awesome. with out even a moment of pause to contact me and ask me if i want anything back! and as far as the TV - he sold it to a friend, who then deducted the cost from an item he bought me for our anniversary. - so wait - i PAID for my anniversary present, too? that i left with him?!? wow.
so my response to him was simply something to the effect of: all plesantries aside, thank you for the quick response and i look forward to hearing from you soon.
the other funny thing is years ago, when his band broke up, he sent the singer of the band a certified letter, emploring and not far from DEMANDING that the lead singer pay him for lost wages. he felt that he was right and just to do so. the singer never even gave him the decency of a response, let alone offer to compensate him. i guess i am now also grateful for a response. i am not looking forward to the few other things he has found that are mine.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
NAMIMeeting
so i have my 1st NAMI meeting tonite. it's an open meeting with a guest speaker; a person who has run mobile psyche unit with a partner. the NAMI person tells me it's a good introduction to the challenges people face, day to day trying to find treatment. i have also been invited to a private meeting tomorrow. apparently the group is embarking on several new projects and this is a good time for me to offer my help - with spreadsheets and what-not.
i'm a little nervous. not sure how much i am willing to commit and afraid to over-commit myself. am i doing the right thing - am i ready for this? i tried to help out an animal group before and was relegated to cold calling and fund raising. luckily (haha) i got this shitty job and was able to gracefully bow out. i like animals more than people and ultimately would rather be doing all of this for animals, but i will look at this as a place to start. a good place to start.
i'll let ya know how it goes! wish me luck!!
i'm a little nervous. not sure how much i am willing to commit and afraid to over-commit myself. am i doing the right thing - am i ready for this? i tried to help out an animal group before and was relegated to cold calling and fund raising. luckily (haha) i got this shitty job and was able to gracefully bow out. i like animals more than people and ultimately would rather be doing all of this for animals, but i will look at this as a place to start. a good place to start.
i'll let ya know how it goes! wish me luck!!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
i'm back!
my bff came to town over this past weekend for her bday. so, i was pretty busy. we went shopping, site seeing, disney, more shopping, eating, more eating & had lots of fun. dude was sick, so he didn't come along most of the time and after she left last nite, he told me that he was dissappointed at my lack of consideration and attentiveness to his illnessi could do nothing but apologize. he was also concerned at the fact that i had taken vicodin while at disney. i don't have a "problem" - just like to partake from time to time. no big deal and it hardly phazed me. whatever. we'll leave the part out about sharing clonopin with the bff the whole weekend, too. jeeze. when boys get sick - they are really impossible.
also - i've been obsessing while not working on this website about a 7 year old girl with schitzophrenia. i came across the story on a gossip site that was hammering oprah for her lack of compassion for the child during an expose/interview. i skipped the oprah part and went straight to the source - which is a blog by the parents of this little girl and their daily struggles in keeping her alive and happy. it's a blog for parents of severely mentally ill children or relatives and it's absolutely captivating! so much so, that i found myself compelled to help in some way. it turns out there is a non-profit all volunteer group called NAMI, and i offered my services to support data entry. i am expecting a call this evening from the person in charge. he/she said they just did a mailing or something like that and have a lot of handwritten data to be processed. i can do that shit in my sleep! maybe this will lead to something more fufulling. i don't think i'm ready for hands on care for the mentally ill, but this could get me in the door to other non-profit work that could satisfy my cravings for a life of meaning, fufillment, inspiration, and purpose!
also - i've been obsessing while not working on this website about a 7 year old girl with schitzophrenia. i came across the story on a gossip site that was hammering oprah for her lack of compassion for the child during an expose/interview. i skipped the oprah part and went straight to the source - which is a blog by the parents of this little girl and their daily struggles in keeping her alive and happy. it's a blog for parents of severely mentally ill children or relatives and it's absolutely captivating! so much so, that i found myself compelled to help in some way. it turns out there is a non-profit all volunteer group called NAMI, and i offered my services to support data entry. i am expecting a call this evening from the person in charge. he/she said they just did a mailing or something like that and have a lot of handwritten data to be processed. i can do that shit in my sleep! maybe this will lead to something more fufulling. i don't think i'm ready for hands on care for the mentally ill, but this could get me in the door to other non-profit work that could satisfy my cravings for a life of meaning, fufillment, inspiration, and purpose!
Friday, October 9, 2009
well now that's completely different!
so i suck it up and decide to confront the bossman. turns out, he didn't read ANY of the emails that went out and had NO IDEA how the holiday/vacation/pay information had been deceminated to the rest of the company.
turns out - if you've been here for over a year you WILL be paid for the 3 days mentioned in my previous post. if you have NOT, you MIGHT be asked to come in for 1/2 days and can use ONE vacation day to cover those 3 days IF you are called in, IF it is so busy that bossman needs the help. (he won't - it's deader than dead during the holidays)
so i apologized profusely for coming off accusatory in anyway or being confrontational. i told him i understood completely and that i am glad that we talked. he is going to explain it to the rest of the company in our monday conference call.
whether he truly accepted my apology or not, i really don't care and i kinda doubt it - he'll carry that around as an attack to anyone and everyone else he can.
i hasn't deterred my one bit to find another job.
he's still a douche.
turns out - if you've been here for over a year you WILL be paid for the 3 days mentioned in my previous post. if you have NOT, you MIGHT be asked to come in for 1/2 days and can use ONE vacation day to cover those 3 days IF you are called in, IF it is so busy that bossman needs the help. (he won't - it's deader than dead during the holidays)
so i apologized profusely for coming off accusatory in anyway or being confrontational. i told him i understood completely and that i am glad that we talked. he is going to explain it to the rest of the company in our monday conference call.
whether he truly accepted my apology or not, i really don't care and i kinda doubt it - he'll carry that around as an attack to anyone and everyone else he can.
i hasn't deterred my one bit to find another job.
he's still a douche.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
HEY COCKSMOKER! EAT A BAG O' DICKS!!
that goes out special to the owner of the company i work for.
we just found out today that we are not getting paid for 3 days during the christmas break. in our joke of a business, it is customary to close the offices for the week between christmas and new year's. we did last year. we are however, expected to be "on call" or available in case of emergency. (define "emergency" in the fucking music business) the only "emergency" i could imagine would be michael jackson rising from the grave and doing a moon walk. or many U2 dying in a firely plane crash (one can only hope) and both of those scenarios do not affect me in any way shape or form. i do not work for sony, universal, or interscope. if one of our shitty artists died over the holidays, trust me, no one would give a fuck and sicne we are tits on a bowl, the most middle of middle men; a marketing company, there's not fuck all i could do but get in the way anyway. managers, head of labels and distribution would have to deal with that shit - i would be the LAST person anyone would need to get involved.
so we found out TODAY that we will not get paid for 12/28-30. IF we have been with the company for more than a year, we can use any vacation, personal, or sick time we may have left and use them to get paid for those 3 days. well, fuck - if i had KNOWN i was getting fucked out of holiday pay - i might have planned my personal and vacation time differently. thanks for the rule change mid court motherfucker! oh, and the offices will be closed anyway, so even if we wanted to work and get paid, we can't - we're "closed. " even though we all have keys to the office and could come in if we wanted to...we're closed and won't get paid. WHAT.THE.FUCK!
and let me just say - this cocksmoker, the one who has been fucking the "HR Director" is about to sell 1/2 of the company for $500k. FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND dollars - is getting a divorce, (just broke up with the HR chick yesterday apparently) and now I am loosing my holiday pay?!
motherFUCKER
i just got 3 days worth of more motivation to get outta here.
we just found out today that we are not getting paid for 3 days during the christmas break. in our joke of a business, it is customary to close the offices for the week between christmas and new year's. we did last year. we are however, expected to be "on call" or available in case of emergency. (define "emergency" in the fucking music business) the only "emergency" i could imagine would be michael jackson rising from the grave and doing a moon walk. or many U2 dying in a firely plane crash (one can only hope) and both of those scenarios do not affect me in any way shape or form. i do not work for sony, universal, or interscope. if one of our shitty artists died over the holidays, trust me, no one would give a fuck and sicne we are tits on a bowl, the most middle of middle men; a marketing company, there's not fuck all i could do but get in the way anyway. managers, head of labels and distribution would have to deal with that shit - i would be the LAST person anyone would need to get involved.
so we found out TODAY that we will not get paid for 12/28-30. IF we have been with the company for more than a year, we can use any vacation, personal, or sick time we may have left and use them to get paid for those 3 days. well, fuck - if i had KNOWN i was getting fucked out of holiday pay - i might have planned my personal and vacation time differently. thanks for the rule change mid court motherfucker! oh, and the offices will be closed anyway, so even if we wanted to work and get paid, we can't - we're "closed. " even though we all have keys to the office and could come in if we wanted to...we're closed and won't get paid. WHAT.THE.FUCK!
and let me just say - this cocksmoker, the one who has been fucking the "HR Director" is about to sell 1/2 of the company for $500k. FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND dollars - is getting a divorce, (just broke up with the HR chick yesterday apparently) and now I am loosing my holiday pay?!
motherFUCKER
i just got 3 days worth of more motivation to get outta here.
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