i'm back!

my bff came to town over this past weekend for her bday. so, i was pretty busy. we went shopping, site seeing, disney, more shopping, eating, more eating & had lots of fun. dude was sick, so he didn't come along most of the time and after she left last nite, he told me that he was dissappointed at my lack of consideration and attentiveness to his illnessi could do nothing but apologize. he was also concerned at the fact that i had taken vicodin while at disney. i don't have a "problem" - just like to partake from time to time. no big deal and it hardly phazed me. whatever. we'll leave the part out about sharing clonopin with the bff the whole weekend, too. jeeze. when boys get sick - they are really impossible.
also - i've been obsessing while not working on this website about a 7 year old girl with schitzophrenia. i came across the story on a gossip site that was hammering oprah for her lack of compassion for the child during an expose/interview. i skipped the oprah part and went straight to the source - which is a blog by the parents of this little girl and their daily struggles in keeping her alive and happy. it's a blog for parents of severely mentally ill children or relatives and it's absolutely captivating! so much so, that i found myself compelled to help in some way. it turns out there is a non-profit all volunteer group called NAMI, and i offered my services to support data entry. i am expecting a call this evening from the person in charge. he/she said they just did a mailing or something like that and have a lot of handwritten data to be processed. i can do that shit in my sleep! maybe this will lead to something more fufulling. i don't think i'm ready for hands on care for the mentally ill, but this could get me in the door to other non-profit work that could satisfy my cravings for a life of meaning, fufillment, inspiration, and purpose!

isms....

so i went to the endicrinologist today. i get to start taking hormones for my thyroid. i am destined for hypothyroidism, (hashimoto's disease) and i'll certainly have to take them anyway. the dr. wants me to start now, even though i am not having any real symptoms, except the nodule on my thyroid causing my thyroid to toughen up (in texture) in an effort to get rid of the thyroid. in some instances, the addition of hormones relax the nodule, and soften it, and make the nodule go away. that's what he'd like to see happen, but it's more likely that it will not, and my thyroid will deteriorate more and not produce enough of the necessary hormones to maintain my system and i will have to take meds anyway.
i met a old friend at the market a few weeks ago and mentioned that i was dealing with some thyroid issues. he's a funny little man, a health freak, raw food eater, and he told me he could talk to me for hours on how to best maintain my diet and avoid any throid problems. i think i'm going to reach out to him again. let him talk my ear off and see if any of it sinks in and helps. roger is a good guy. friend of the x, so that should piss the x off, too.

crotch rot

ok - here's something i can write about everyday! my freaking health issues! like my mom always used to say, if it's weird, you never heard of it, and never knew anyone who had it - i got it!
where to start!?
well, i've been getting yeast infections since i can remember. although, i don't think they were ever really proper bread making yeast infections. i can remember being you, less than 7 and my peepee burning. mr. bubble bath stuff was the most horrifying thing for my little girl urethra. (and apparently for millions of other small children) i don't remember much more until i was about 14 or 15. i was itching down there. a lot. and i didn't know any better, and i didn't want to tell my mom that my stuff was itching, we never talked about sex or genitals or anything like that really. my mom got sick - she went into the hospital and i was at my grandparents house...what was it for? i know i was older, but for some reason i wasn't allowed to stay at home overnite by myself...how did i get to school? wow, i can't remember. anyway, what i DO remember is the itching, and being at my gparents, so i obviously coudn't tell them anything. i remember getting a hand mirror and looking at myself, i remember a creamy discharge. i know, gross, huh? but not cheesy - that's only really happened to me once. oddly enough. i think i found some vagisil in the bathroom at home and used that until the discomfort went away. i remember volleyball practice in the summer before 9th or 10 grade - coming home and sitting with my legs open and the fan blowing directly on me. that seemed to be the best relief overall. i remember i scratched so much, i thought i had my period, told my mom, which was weird - and then i didn't get it for another couple of years or so. i think i was almost 17 when i got it. funny, most people remember the time and place. not me. but i know i was a bit older. not 12 or anything like that. like my mom. it seems like i was dealing with that stuff too often. then when i was about 19 - everything went to shit and hasn't been the same since!